Friday, October 16, 2009

My Husband the Gentleman

Even before I knew it by name, I have always believed chivalry to be very important. When I was a teenager, it was on my list of characteristics and qualities that I found particularly appealing in boys. This might sound crazy to you but yes, I really did have this list, and I really did go over it with a pencil and check it off whenever a cute new boy caught my attention. This list included everything from “is Catholic,” “has a relationship with God,” “likes kids,” and “my parents like him;” to “is taller than me” (I’m almost 5’9”), “makes me laugh,” “respects me,” and “has pretty eyes.” Seriously. And “is chivalrous” was close to the top of the list.

Clearly I had my eye out for chivalry for a while. When I met Daniel and we began dating five years ago, one of the first things that attracted me to him was that he was an almost perfect gentleman. I say “almost” because no one is perfect—but I happen to think my Daniel is pretty darn close.

When Daniel was with me, I never found myself opening a car door or any other door. If his arms were empty, mine immediately were cleared of whatever they were carrying (except for my purse, of course—he wouldn’t carry that). If he saw me shiver, he would give me his coat to wear over my own. Usually I wouldn’t let him though.

As the years went by, none of these chivalrous habits disappeared. Daniel wasn’t trying to impress me during our “courtship” phase. He’s just a gentleman, pure and simple. And I love it!

Now that we’re married, there’s an even more meaningful way that Daniel has been able to be a gentleman for me. In my experience with Natural Family Planning, I can tell you that I feel so respected and well cared-for by my husband in a very big way. He would never treat my healthy body, working perfectly as God designed it, as though it was diseased and in need of being “fixed” so as to be more readily available at all times for his own use.

Nor would he encourage me to put my health at risk. Millions (I’m guessing here) of dollars are spent every year by people who are prescribed pills that will help keep a less than healthy organ/system working properly. Something is not quite right when others, or perhaps even some of the very same people, are spending millions (also a guess) on a daily pill that is intended to prevent a healthy organ/system from working properly. Contraception is not the way to go. And I have a wonderful, chivalrous gentleman who knows that.

I should have written about this during Natural Family Planning Awareness Week but better late than never!

This pretty much sums up what I’m getting at here: One day over the summer, Daniel said to me, “I’m really glad that we don’t use birth control. I feel like that would really cause me to see you as more of an object, and you don’t deserve that.”

That is my “knight in shining armor;” I’m so glad I put chivalry on my list!


Anonymous said...


I am really impressed by the way you describe your philosophy of NFP. I never thought about the drug comparison. I will definitely share your perspective with our Pre-Cana team.

I too, have a knight in shining armor. It is a joy to know that I am well taken care of. It is sad when I hear wives complain about their husbands. My in-laws did a great job - an appropriate shout out as Oct. 17 is their 45th anniversary.

I look forward to your installments.


Bobby Murphy said...

Thank you for your promotion of NFP. It is such a gift to the Church, and may we pray that more couples may discover the beauty of it.


Joey said...

i LOVE this post. You said it all very well!

Anonymous said...

We were skeptical / on the fence about NFP, but like you two, we're absolutely convinced NFP is the most healthy and loving way to go. We pray that other young couples take a close look at NFP.

Dustin | Engaged Marriage said...

Thank you for your clear and compelling promotion of Natural Family Planning. My wife and I also practice NFP, and we have found that it is the best thing we've done for our marriage. Likewise, I promote NFP on my own blog within a mix of other marriage topics with the hopes of reaching a broader audience.

And bravo to your husband! We attended a marriage retreat where we had to be "affirmed" by others attending the weekend. I was told repeatedly that I was seen as a gentlemen by those that barely knew me. I didn't see it, but my wife confirmed it's one of the qualities she likes best. I was humbled and happy.

Chivalry really isn't dead!


Anonymous said...

I love how you described NFP in such a positive light! It really is an amazing gift! I work at a pregnancy center and have seen firsthand the benefits of NFP on not only women's health, but on relationships. Likewise I have seen the devastating effects of artificial birth control, both emotional as well as physical.

Well done!

Anonymous said...

Natural Family Planning is the way to go! It is the way God intended for a man and woman to come together in love. When people use contraceptives, they are in reality saying that, "I love you only THIS much." They are not able to love the person fully, since these devices "block" the avenue to love in its fullest sense. My husband is also a gentleman and would never subject my body to these unnatural and unhealthy contraceptives. In this way, I know that he TRULY loves me and is not using me as an object. God bless all the men that view their wives' bodies as sacred! Crystal

Sarah said...

Thank you for your blog and this post in particular. I've been married for five and a half years to a wonderful man with whom I am learning more about the world and God. We are Nazarenes who live surrounded by Mennonite and Amish. These loving peoples encourage us to think our faith through and then live it out even if it isn't "main stream." We found NFP after a long search for ways to not treat the natural courses in the body like a disease. No one else had heard of it, and it gives us a lot. We stayed childless during the two years we used this method until we decided to try for a baby. We were pregnant the first month without fear of damage caused by the pill.