Friday, January 14, 2011

Being an old married couple

I made a realization this week: Daniel and I can no longer tell people that we got married “last year.” It may seem like a silly little thing, but we now have to use the words “in 2009” instead, just like we will have to for the remainder of our married life. Does this mean that we’re officially no longer newlyweds? When exactly does being a “newlywed” end? I don’t think there are any technical rules that go along with that word, but now that we have a seven-month-old child and can no longer use the words “last year,” I don’t feel like we qualify anymore.

And here’s what it’s like being an “old married couple.” Daniel slept on the couch last night—no, not because he was “in the dog house” or because we were fighting at all. It was because after about an hour of deliberation over what we should do about Charlie’s sleeping situation, we decided that at least for one night all three of us would be most comfortable with Charlie in the bed with me and Daniel on the couch. Our queen size bed is just not big enough for three; Charlie hasn’t been sleeping well for the past couple of weeks, and he seems to do much better in our bed. (Now some of you may be concerned for various reasons about our decision to co-sleep, even if only temporarily, but since I am not here to discuss the detriments and benefits of sharing our bed with our baby, or even my own concerns about the situation, I won’t. The way I see it, we all need to sleep and sometimes need to do what we need to do to get sleep.) I am relatively comfortable sleeping between Charlie and Daniel, with a pillow between Charlie and the edge of the bed, but Daniel is not.

To get to my point here, even though I am a sleep-deprived mother of a teething seven-month-old boy, I still had a hard time falling asleep without Daniel in bed with me. For the past year and eight months I have fallen asleep next to him, and without him there something just isn’t right. That’s what it’s like being an old married couple. Although I suppose it would have been weird after just a couple of months, too…

Speaking of teething, while I’ve thought Charlie has been teething for the past few months, his first tooth has finally popped through! I noticed it last night while he and I were cheering for his Aunt Jane during her high school JV basketball game. Well, the rest of my family was cheering—I spent most of the time holding my hands over Charlie’s little ears because every time the buzzer sounded he would start to cry. He was really sleepy so I think that was the problem, but I’m not sure if he’s quite cut out for high school basketball games yet. As soon as we hurried home to his daddy after the game, life was much better for our little man. And I was so excited to get home and show Daniel Charlie’s tooth!

I wonder how much longer it will be before his second one makes its way through. I hope it hurries, then maybe we can enjoy at least a few weeks of better sleep for the whole family. Until then, though, Daniel and I plan to buy a more comfortable, real mattress for the portable crib we have set up in our room for Charlie and hopefully that will help him to sleep in it. Maybe we can go shopping tonight… this old married woman missed her husband last night!


Kathy Fitz said...

Congrats on Charlie's tooth! Good luck with getting everyone to sleep. I loved your statement regarding your personal philosophy about co-sleeping - everyone in your family needed to sleep. As long as you and Daniel are okay with things and it is all safe - then don't worry about everyone else.

Have you tried a side sleeper? It would attach under your mattress - Charlie would have his own sleeping space near you but not in the bed with you. It can work very well.

They way you took a stance to preemptively stop anyone condemning your sleep choices - you are definitely an old pro as a mom. So now you are both an old married lady and an old pro mom - in under 2 yrs! I am duly impressed. Keep up the good work.

God's blessings on you, your lovely family and your work with this blog.

Jay said...

When I had been married for 2 years I remember hearing a friend saying she still felt like a newlywed after 6 years. I thought to myself there is no way b/c that seems like so long. Now I am married for 7 (almost 8 years) and I can attest that I truly felt like that at 6 years even with 3 kids and 1 on the way. I don't feel like that now. But I did recently read an article online about alimony related to how long yo are married. The terms were funny sounding but I think early marriage was up to 7 years. 7-15 being middle and greater than 15 was what got you the most money at "long term marriage" or something like that.

Alana said...

I am having problems sleeping with my husband in the bed! We just got married in Dec. He lived at home with his parents and slept on a twin bed. However I had my own place with a queen size bed. I would love sleeping in the middle of it! Now that we are married he of course sleeps in the bed with me. I feel smothered! Even when he is not trying to cuddle. I want my own bed back so bad! I go to work every day sleep deprived cause I cannot get comfy. Anyone have any suggestions?

Sarah said...

Thanks for all of your comments lately! I haven't tried a side sleeper, but I'm thinking of doing that when we have our next child. I've heard good things about them. Thank you for calling me an old pro mom, too. :)

I like feeling newly married, so I'm glad to hear that I have a several years left of it!

That is quite a problem! If getting a king sized bed isn't an option (like it isn't for me), maybe try a mattress topper made out of memory foam or something else really comfy to cut down on both of you moving around in your sleep. Good luck!