This Saturday is going to be all wedding planning all day. Daniel and I will be driving up to look at the chapel and reception site with my mom and my sisters Rose and Jane. This is so that we can start thinking more about what we need in the way of decorations for both places.
While we are up that direction, we are also going to go shopping at the outlets to look for “bridesmaiden” dresses for Rose and Jane (ages sixteen and fourteen). “Bridesmaiden” is the name I invented to use instead of “junior bridesmaid” since these teenage sisters of mine found the usual title offensive. Rose, especially, did not want to be a “junior” anything. Finally, we will also have a cake tasting appointment scheduled for Saturday morning—in fact, we will be doing that first, as nine o’clock was the only time slot the bakery had available that day.
Once we make it back home, my sister and maid of honor Marie and I (and maybe Daniel, if he can come) will go to the craft store to look for invitation kits. Marie is a graphic design major and an amazing artist, and she is helping me to design our invitations; we’ll just need blank invitations so that she can use them to work her magic.
I suppose we could just buy our own paper and cut it down to size the way we want it, but then we would also have to worry about response cards and envelopes as well as reception cards and the outer envelope. Wedding invitations are complicated like that. I’m not sure what we’ll end up doing. All I know is that my goal is to get the invitations out by Monday March 30, which is almost seven weeks before the wedding. I really don’t want it to be much later than that. I am currently in the process of gathering up addresses for everyone on our guest list, which I will hopefully finish this weekend.
Last weekend, Daniel and I started looking more seriously at choosing music for the wedding liturgy and we started reading through all the options for the readings and their commentary in the liturgy planning book Father Rick gave us a while ago. I love that we get to choose our own readings for the Mass, and I love reading them with Daniel as we try to find our favorites, but I have a feeling that it will be hard to actually make a final decision. We like quite a few of them. While we have not so far decided on our readings, we have chosen who we want our readers to be (although we haven’t asked them yet, so I won’t tell you who they are).
I have an aunt who is a florist, and I got around at last—it’s taken me a while—to e-mailing her about wedding flowers. I did not have much of a clue what I wanted or what I could afford before I talked to her, but she is so excited to help and gave me some ideas. It looks like my bouquet will be white roses and yellow freesia with ivy or some other greenery and a few blue flowers thrown in (maybe irises) so that I have both of our wedding colors in there. Obviously there are still more things to figure out flower-wise, but I feel so much better now that I’ve started talking to her about it!
With just a few days over two months left until the wedding, I’m finally starting to feel like things are coming together! I just hope I’m not being lulled into a false sense of security. Have a good weekend, everyone!
Friday, March 13, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
To Know by Heart
I, Sarah, take you, Daniel, to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.
Come to think of it, when the Rite of Marriage says “I, N., take you, N., to be…” it could be that we are supposed to insert full names (first, middle, and last) where it says “N.” I’ll have to look into that. Anyways, I’m practicing.
I’m also doing my homework. Daniel and I met with Father Rick, who will be presiding at our wedding, this past weekend over lunch. We gave him our baptismal certificates, marriage prep completion certificate, and marriage certificate since those things are all taken care of. Among other things, he told us that he wants us to memorize our vows. This is not only to make the vows more authentic/genuine during the wedding itself, but also so that between now and then we can each be seriously thinking about what it is we are promising when we stand up in front of God, our family, and friends and say those words.
It is interesting that people—kids especially, I think—use the words “by heart” when explaining that they have something memorized. For example, I can remember boasting as a little girl about my favorite movie (The Little Mermaid at the time), saying: “I’ve watched it so many times, I know all the words by heart.” Obviously it was not my heart, either literally or figuratively, that knew everything Ariel, Sebastian, or Grimsby was going to say before they said it. That would be my brain (look at that awesome higher education being put to work!). I suppose it was, though, the “love” I felt in my heart for The Little Mermaid that allowed memorization of the lines of the movie to come naturally and easily to me as a result of the countless number of times that VHS tape was played and rewound.
My point is that I think it would be appropriate for Daniel and me to think of what we have to do as “learning our vows by heart” rather than simply “memorizing” the words. “Memorizing” is what I did with that passage from A Midsummer Night’s Dream in AP Lit senior year of high school or the Preamble of the Constitution in eighth grade. No more than a few of those words stayed with me for long, and I’m still young! But I assure you that I can still recite the lines of every character in The Little Mermaid before they’re spoken.
Of course, my “love” for that Disney movie from my childhood can hardly be comparable to my love for Daniel… imagine then the power of these few but meaningful words when they are carved into our hearts and recalled over the course of our lifetime together: “I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.” These words are something that we can recall with every argument, every baby born, every bend in the road, every uphill climb, every wrinkle slowly created. Add to that the grace of the sacrament of marriage, and I’d say we’ve got something pretty indestructible.
Come to think of it, when the Rite of Marriage says “I, N., take you, N., to be…” it could be that we are supposed to insert full names (first, middle, and last) where it says “N.” I’ll have to look into that. Anyways, I’m practicing.
I’m also doing my homework. Daniel and I met with Father Rick, who will be presiding at our wedding, this past weekend over lunch. We gave him our baptismal certificates, marriage prep completion certificate, and marriage certificate since those things are all taken care of. Among other things, he told us that he wants us to memorize our vows. This is not only to make the vows more authentic/genuine during the wedding itself, but also so that between now and then we can each be seriously thinking about what it is we are promising when we stand up in front of God, our family, and friends and say those words.
It is interesting that people—kids especially, I think—use the words “by heart” when explaining that they have something memorized. For example, I can remember boasting as a little girl about my favorite movie (The Little Mermaid at the time), saying: “I’ve watched it so many times, I know all the words by heart.” Obviously it was not my heart, either literally or figuratively, that knew everything Ariel, Sebastian, or Grimsby was going to say before they said it. That would be my brain (look at that awesome higher education being put to work!). I suppose it was, though, the “love” I felt in my heart for The Little Mermaid that allowed memorization of the lines of the movie to come naturally and easily to me as a result of the countless number of times that VHS tape was played and rewound.
My point is that I think it would be appropriate for Daniel and me to think of what we have to do as “learning our vows by heart” rather than simply “memorizing” the words. “Memorizing” is what I did with that passage from A Midsummer Night’s Dream in AP Lit senior year of high school or the Preamble of the Constitution in eighth grade. No more than a few of those words stayed with me for long, and I’m still young! But I assure you that I can still recite the lines of every character in The Little Mermaid before they’re spoken.
Of course, my “love” for that Disney movie from my childhood can hardly be comparable to my love for Daniel… imagine then the power of these few but meaningful words when they are carved into our hearts and recalled over the course of our lifetime together: “I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.” These words are something that we can recall with every argument, every baby born, every bend in the road, every uphill climb, every wrinkle slowly created. Add to that the grace of the sacrament of marriage, and I’d say we’ve got something pretty indestructible.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Preparing for Marriage with Lent
Lent has begun. This is the time of year that I really try to put some extra effort into growing in faith and conforming my life to Christ. This Lent, Daniel and I are both giving up all television. I’m also planning on saying a daily Rosary, and Daniel and I are going to add Night Prayer (of the Liturgy of the Hours, which neither of us has ever done before) to our evening prayer time together. I’m really glad that the last couple of months before our wedding, for which we have been preparing for what seems like a very long time, includes the season of Lent.
Here’s why. Foryourmarriage.org suggests the following: “Take at least six months to intensively prepare for your marriage. This goes beyond choosing a date and church, reserving a place for the reception, and picking out dresses. It means using this time to delve more deeply into your relationship and approach this momentous day with prayer and reflection.”
Of course, Daniel and I had an engagement much longer than those six months. But the thing is, the last couple of months before a wedding require a lot of little (and big) preparations for “the big day” This causes a lot of stress, and can make it difficult to put the right emphasis on preparing for the marriage of which “the big day” is only the beginning.
Easter Sunday falls on April 12 this year, only one month and four days before our wedding. Lent, then, will be for Daniel and me a time of spiritual preparation for the sacrament of marriage in addition to the preparation for the joy of Easter. This time of fasting, sacrifice, and prayer will allow us/force us to focus on our relationship with God, both individually and as a couple, as being first and foremost in our lives now and our new life together that is soon to begin. And I love that our wedding is taking place during Easter, an appropriately joyful season.
FYI, here are the things I have crossed off my list recently:
- Make hair appointment (yes, I know I did that super early)
- Plan photographer shots
- Go bridesmaid dress shopping
By the way, I really appreciate all of your comments from the last few weeks. I love hearing your suggestions and kind, encouraging, and inspiring words. Thank you so much, and keep them coming!
Here’s why. Foryourmarriage.org suggests the following: “Take at least six months to intensively prepare for your marriage. This goes beyond choosing a date and church, reserving a place for the reception, and picking out dresses. It means using this time to delve more deeply into your relationship and approach this momentous day with prayer and reflection.”
Of course, Daniel and I had an engagement much longer than those six months. But the thing is, the last couple of months before a wedding require a lot of little (and big) preparations for “the big day” This causes a lot of stress, and can make it difficult to put the right emphasis on preparing for the marriage of which “the big day” is only the beginning.
Easter Sunday falls on April 12 this year, only one month and four days before our wedding. Lent, then, will be for Daniel and me a time of spiritual preparation for the sacrament of marriage in addition to the preparation for the joy of Easter. This time of fasting, sacrifice, and prayer will allow us/force us to focus on our relationship with God, both individually and as a couple, as being first and foremost in our lives now and our new life together that is soon to begin. And I love that our wedding is taking place during Easter, an appropriately joyful season.
FYI, here are the things I have crossed off my list recently:
- Make hair appointment (yes, I know I did that super early)
- Plan photographer shots
- Go bridesmaid dress shopping
By the way, I really appreciate all of your comments from the last few weeks. I love hearing your suggestions and kind, encouraging, and inspiring words. Thank you so much, and keep them coming!
Friday, February 20, 2009
The Rings
I’ve got a serious case of wedding-on-the-brain… and it seems to be getting worse by the day. No matter where I am or what I’m doing, I’ve got my to-do list running through my head like the credits on the screen at the end of a movie. Talk about distracting! It seems as though I have completely lost my ability to focus. And there are still almost three months left for me to be like this!
I do have some exciting news to share, though: Daniel and I bought our wedding bands last weekend! Daniel’s already fit him perfectly, so we were able to take it home on Saturday when we bought it, and I picked mine up on Tuesday after it had been sized for me.
I would like to have the rings engraved before the wedding, but we haven’t been able to decide on what to put on them. We thought about “In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit,” which is what we will say when we put the rings on each other’s fingers. I think that would be beautiful, but obviously it is too many letters to be engraved on a tiny piece of gold.
Then there’s always the option of doing our wedding date and our names or initials, but I feel like everyone does that. Maybe something in Latin, or even initials for a Latin phrase, like the classic Jesuit motto “AMDG” (Ad Majorem Dei gloriem), meaning “For the greater glory of God.” Others in my brainstorm include—with a little help from Wikipedia’s “Latin Mottos” page and a free online English-Latin dictionary:
Pari Passu, which means “with equal step,” “moving together,” or “hand-in-hand;”
Semper Fidelis, translated as “always faithful;”
Nihil Sine Deo, or “nothing without God;”
Amor et Fidelitas, meaning “love and fidelity;”
In Nomine Domini, which means “In the name of God.”
I guess we will have to make a decision on this fairly soon; I’m not sure how long it takes for the engraving to be done once we take the rings in. Hopefully it’s not too expensive either! I would love to hear what others have engraved on their wedding rings. Anyways, the clock is ticking… pray that I keep my sanity! God bless.
I do have some exciting news to share, though: Daniel and I bought our wedding bands last weekend! Daniel’s already fit him perfectly, so we were able to take it home on Saturday when we bought it, and I picked mine up on Tuesday after it had been sized for me.
I would like to have the rings engraved before the wedding, but we haven’t been able to decide on what to put on them. We thought about “In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit,” which is what we will say when we put the rings on each other’s fingers. I think that would be beautiful, but obviously it is too many letters to be engraved on a tiny piece of gold.
Then there’s always the option of doing our wedding date and our names or initials, but I feel like everyone does that. Maybe something in Latin, or even initials for a Latin phrase, like the classic Jesuit motto “AMDG” (Ad Majorem Dei gloriem), meaning “For the greater glory of God.” Others in my brainstorm include—with a little help from Wikipedia’s “Latin Mottos” page and a free online English-Latin dictionary:
Pari Passu, which means “with equal step,” “moving together,” or “hand-in-hand;”
Semper Fidelis, translated as “always faithful;”
Nihil Sine Deo, or “nothing without God;”
Amor et Fidelitas, meaning “love and fidelity;”
In Nomine Domini, which means “In the name of God.”
I guess we will have to make a decision on this fairly soon; I’m not sure how long it takes for the engraving to be done once we take the rings in. Hopefully it’s not too expensive either! I would love to hear what others have engraved on their wedding rings. Anyways, the clock is ticking… pray that I keep my sanity! God bless.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Best Friends
Who is your best friend? If you are married, engaged, or even just “engaged to be engaged,” I hope that you would say that the reason you want to spend the rest of your life with this person is because he is your best friend (or she, I’m just speaking from the woman’s perspective here).
I personally have quite a few “best friends,” colloquially speaking. I still have my “best friend from elementary school,” “best friend from middle school,” “best friend from high school,” and a few “best friends from college” (my roomies). Then there are my siblings, especially my sisters, who I consider to be my best friends, plus a few “best cousins” for good measure. The fact of the matter is that if I actually take the meaning of the word “best” seriously, then none of these people actually fit the bill (sorry to all of you that I mentioned).
They are all very good, close friends with whom I truly enjoy spending time, talking, and laughing. We share lots of fun and not-so-fun memories from different phases of my life, including the eighteen years before Daniel even entered the picture. But none of them are my best friend. Daniel has sole claim to that title, which is a good thing. He’s the one I’m marrying, after all!
There are a lot of movies and TV shows out there that seem to tout female friendship as being a relationship equal in value to the marital relationship, if not more valuable. I’ll use an example from Grey’s Anatomy, which is a show that I guess you could call a “guilty pleasure” of mine because—let’s face it—it certainly isn’t going to win any award for modeling Catholic morality (if there was such an award).
This season, friends Meredith and Christina spent several episodes not talking to each another because they were fighting. Meredith was really upset about something and her boyfriend Derek was unable to console her. So he drove her over to Christina’s house and told Christina that Meredith was in the car and wouldn’t stop crying. He didn’t know what to do, and wanted Christina to get over their fight and come out to the car to be with Meredith. Anyone who watches the show knows that Christina is Meredith’s “person,” above and beyond anything Derek seems to ever be for her, even though Meredith and Derek will presumably get engaged very soon. You can find countless examples like this on television, in movies, and in books; each with varying degrees to which this theme is present. After I noticed it once, I started noticing it everywhere.
Sorry if I lost anyone there; my point is that there is something not quite right about that kind of situation, at least in my mind. If you love someone enough to be seriously considering marrying him, then he should be your primary confidante—the only one to whom the statement “we tell each other everything” should apply. At least that’s the way I see it. Not that I don’t confide in my girlfriends, because I do. It’s just not to the same degree as I confide in Daniel, with whom I actually do share everything.
Female friendships are extremely important, but my relationship with my [future] husband is what I am going to be held most accountable for at the end of my life. That’s the relationship that I’m going to focus on. Alright, I’ll get down off my soapbox now.
I personally have quite a few “best friends,” colloquially speaking. I still have my “best friend from elementary school,” “best friend from middle school,” “best friend from high school,” and a few “best friends from college” (my roomies). Then there are my siblings, especially my sisters, who I consider to be my best friends, plus a few “best cousins” for good measure. The fact of the matter is that if I actually take the meaning of the word “best” seriously, then none of these people actually fit the bill (sorry to all of you that I mentioned).
They are all very good, close friends with whom I truly enjoy spending time, talking, and laughing. We share lots of fun and not-so-fun memories from different phases of my life, including the eighteen years before Daniel even entered the picture. But none of them are my best friend. Daniel has sole claim to that title, which is a good thing. He’s the one I’m marrying, after all!
There are a lot of movies and TV shows out there that seem to tout female friendship as being a relationship equal in value to the marital relationship, if not more valuable. I’ll use an example from Grey’s Anatomy, which is a show that I guess you could call a “guilty pleasure” of mine because—let’s face it—it certainly isn’t going to win any award for modeling Catholic morality (if there was such an award).
This season, friends Meredith and Christina spent several episodes not talking to each another because they were fighting. Meredith was really upset about something and her boyfriend Derek was unable to console her. So he drove her over to Christina’s house and told Christina that Meredith was in the car and wouldn’t stop crying. He didn’t know what to do, and wanted Christina to get over their fight and come out to the car to be with Meredith. Anyone who watches the show knows that Christina is Meredith’s “person,” above and beyond anything Derek seems to ever be for her, even though Meredith and Derek will presumably get engaged very soon. You can find countless examples like this on television, in movies, and in books; each with varying degrees to which this theme is present. After I noticed it once, I started noticing it everywhere.
Sorry if I lost anyone there; my point is that there is something not quite right about that kind of situation, at least in my mind. If you love someone enough to be seriously considering marrying him, then he should be your primary confidante—the only one to whom the statement “we tell each other everything” should apply. At least that’s the way I see it. Not that I don’t confide in my girlfriends, because I do. It’s just not to the same degree as I confide in Daniel, with whom I actually do share everything.
Female friendships are extremely important, but my relationship with my [future] husband is what I am going to be held most accountable for at the end of my life. That’s the relationship that I’m going to focus on. Alright, I’ll get down off my soapbox now.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Living in Different Time Zones
I was just looking at the “Do you operate in different marital time zones?” quiz on foryourmarriage.org, and it got me thinking, although not exactly about the content of the quiz itself. My thoughts took a different direction.
Here we go: I get grumpy when Daniel falls asleep when we are “supposed to be” spending time together; this grumpiness ranges from annoyance to full-out anger, depending on the mood I was already in. I don’t know why—I guess it’s because when he falls asleep I feel like he is leaving me alone or something.
In any event, in our current situation Daniel is living with his parents about forty-five minutes away from our house and spends the weekends with me. While he is here, he sleeps over at my parents’ house a few minutes down the road, and we usually stay up late spending time together before he drives over there. The problem is that Daniel is a morning person and I am a night person—and I’m not sure whether this issue will be eased or exacerbated once we are married and living together.
Here is a typical scenario: It is a Friday or Saturday night and Daniel and I are reading, watching a movie, or working on a project together, etc. Somewhere between nine and eleven o’clock, Daniel will start to get tired and often fall asleep if he is sitting on the couch. If he doesn’t fall asleep, he will get continually more tired and grumpy as the minutes pass by.
Then, there are usually various things that have to be done at the end of the day, whether it’s loading the dishwasher, straightening the living room, or locking up the shed. I may get up and start doing some of these things with Daniel already asleep on the couch, but if he is still awake he may do them while I go and get ready for bed, to save time. By the time I’m finished and ready to pray together, which we always do before he leaves, I have to wake him up. This is usually not an easy task, and it puts both of us in a bad mood if we are not careful.
The next morning, if it is a Saturday, Daniel usually wakes up at my parents’ house and drives back over to our house before I am awake. He is sometimes frustrated by how long it takes me to get out of bed once he gets there, but he is almost always nice about it, sometimes even making coffee and breakfast for when I finally manage to get my feet on the floor (a terrible battle I am forced to fight every single morning).
Does anyone have a similar situation and have suggestions for how Daniel and I can start to live in the same “time zone” once we get married? Or is this just an inevitable struggle that we’ll have to live with? Oh well, I guess there are certainly worse problems we could have.
In other news: as I am writing this, on Thursday, there are exactly 100 days left until the wedding!! I also booked a deejay this morning—it felt great crossing that one off my list! Have a good weekend, everyone.
Here we go: I get grumpy when Daniel falls asleep when we are “supposed to be” spending time together; this grumpiness ranges from annoyance to full-out anger, depending on the mood I was already in. I don’t know why—I guess it’s because when he falls asleep I feel like he is leaving me alone or something.
In any event, in our current situation Daniel is living with his parents about forty-five minutes away from our house and spends the weekends with me. While he is here, he sleeps over at my parents’ house a few minutes down the road, and we usually stay up late spending time together before he drives over there. The problem is that Daniel is a morning person and I am a night person—and I’m not sure whether this issue will be eased or exacerbated once we are married and living together.
Here is a typical scenario: It is a Friday or Saturday night and Daniel and I are reading, watching a movie, or working on a project together, etc. Somewhere between nine and eleven o’clock, Daniel will start to get tired and often fall asleep if he is sitting on the couch. If he doesn’t fall asleep, he will get continually more tired and grumpy as the minutes pass by.
Then, there are usually various things that have to be done at the end of the day, whether it’s loading the dishwasher, straightening the living room, or locking up the shed. I may get up and start doing some of these things with Daniel already asleep on the couch, but if he is still awake he may do them while I go and get ready for bed, to save time. By the time I’m finished and ready to pray together, which we always do before he leaves, I have to wake him up. This is usually not an easy task, and it puts both of us in a bad mood if we are not careful.
The next morning, if it is a Saturday, Daniel usually wakes up at my parents’ house and drives back over to our house before I am awake. He is sometimes frustrated by how long it takes me to get out of bed once he gets there, but he is almost always nice about it, sometimes even making coffee and breakfast for when I finally manage to get my feet on the floor (a terrible battle I am forced to fight every single morning).
Does anyone have a similar situation and have suggestions for how Daniel and I can start to live in the same “time zone” once we get married? Or is this just an inevitable struggle that we’ll have to live with? Oh well, I guess there are certainly worse problems we could have.
In other news: as I am writing this, on Thursday, there are exactly 100 days left until the wedding!! I also booked a deejay this morning—it felt great crossing that one off my list! Have a good weekend, everyone.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Keeping It All in Focus
I had a little bit of a panic attack last night. This is because I suddenly realized that this week is the end of January. May 16 keeps getting closer and closer, and my list of things to do doesn’t seem to be getting any smaller.
Daniel’s winter break from classes is now over, and he now has another semester’s full schedule of classes to add to his work schedule. For our last three and a half months before the wedding, his time will be almost completely taken up. This means that I have to be extra organized in order to make sure that I plan for the things I need his help with during his sparse blocks of free time. The problem is that I have never been very good at being extra organized. My list is helping so far—color-coded by month that each item must/should be done. It had better keep helping, because if I can’t stick to it… well, that’s a big problem. Here is what is on the list for January (which, as I mentioned, is fast coming to a close):
× Register for gifts
Book honeymoon
Finalize guest list
Give out save the dates
Figure out bridesmaid dresses
× Get marriage license
Figure out DJ
Meet with photographer
Figure out cake
× Finish marriage prep
× Schedule NFP classes
× Confirm reception
× Buy veil
× Buy shoes
× Get baptismal certificates
× Get passports
× Get jewelry
As you can see, it’s looking like a few things are going to be pushed to February. This weekend, Daniel and I are going to finalize the guest list and meet with the photographer. Our plans to meet with a DJ we were considering fell through a couple of weeks ago, so it’s back to square one as far as that goes. I’m thinking of maybe setting up a playlist ourselves and not having a DJ but I’m not really sure… does anyone have any advice on this?
In Family Foundations, the Couple to Couple League’s magazine, Christina Capecchi has been writing a journal-type column on her engagement and preparation for marriage. In this month’s issue, she writes about the stresses of the last few weeks before her wedding and how she and her fiancé have found strength in turning to the tradition and wisdom of the Church amidst all the chaos of final plans. Reading her thoughts as she deals with the stresses that I will be facing in just a few short months was really helpful for me.
Marriage prep with our sponsor couple was also helpful. Although this was nothing I hadn’t heard before, it was a nice reminder to be told that Daniel and I are preparing for our vocation, just like men in seminary are preparing for theirs. And as our vocation, our marriage is the primary reason that we were put on this earth and should therefore be the primary focus of our lives. Everything else is secondary. Marriage is the state of life to which God is calling us, and through it we will serve God for the rest of our lives. Not only that, but Daniel and are going to be responsible for getting each other to Heaven! With all of this to think about, all the small details of the wedding day seem less important—and it gets a little bit easier to breathe.
Daniel’s winter break from classes is now over, and he now has another semester’s full schedule of classes to add to his work schedule. For our last three and a half months before the wedding, his time will be almost completely taken up. This means that I have to be extra organized in order to make sure that I plan for the things I need his help with during his sparse blocks of free time. The problem is that I have never been very good at being extra organized. My list is helping so far—color-coded by month that each item must/should be done. It had better keep helping, because if I can’t stick to it… well, that’s a big problem. Here is what is on the list for January (which, as I mentioned, is fast coming to a close):
× Register for gifts
Book honeymoon
Finalize guest list
Give out save the dates
Figure out bridesmaid dresses
× Get marriage license
Figure out DJ
Meet with photographer
Figure out cake
× Finish marriage prep
× Schedule NFP classes
× Confirm reception
× Buy veil
× Buy shoes
× Get baptismal certificates
× Get passports
× Get jewelry
As you can see, it’s looking like a few things are going to be pushed to February. This weekend, Daniel and I are going to finalize the guest list and meet with the photographer. Our plans to meet with a DJ we were considering fell through a couple of weeks ago, so it’s back to square one as far as that goes. I’m thinking of maybe setting up a playlist ourselves and not having a DJ but I’m not really sure… does anyone have any advice on this?
In Family Foundations, the Couple to Couple League’s magazine, Christina Capecchi has been writing a journal-type column on her engagement and preparation for marriage. In this month’s issue, she writes about the stresses of the last few weeks before her wedding and how she and her fiancé have found strength in turning to the tradition and wisdom of the Church amidst all the chaos of final plans. Reading her thoughts as she deals with the stresses that I will be facing in just a few short months was really helpful for me.
Marriage prep with our sponsor couple was also helpful. Although this was nothing I hadn’t heard before, it was a nice reminder to be told that Daniel and I are preparing for our vocation, just like men in seminary are preparing for theirs. And as our vocation, our marriage is the primary reason that we were put on this earth and should therefore be the primary focus of our lives. Everything else is secondary. Marriage is the state of life to which God is calling us, and through it we will serve God for the rest of our lives. Not only that, but Daniel and are going to be responsible for getting each other to Heaven! With all of this to think about, all the small details of the wedding day seem less important—and it gets a little bit easier to breathe.
Friday, January 23, 2009
How to "Test Run" Your Marriage
A lot of people today try to make the argument that a couple should live together before they get married, as a sort of compatibility “trial run.” They claim that this would reduce the risk of heartache and general unhappiness in marriage, and ultimately lower the possibility of divorce. I don’t buy into any of this myself—in fact, studies show that cohabitation before marriage can actually increase the likelihood of marriage ending in divorce later on. This is not to mention Church teaching on the subject.
What I think should really be done to “test run” a marriage is quite different and perfectly acceptable, morally speaking. Before a couple gets married, what they should really do is work on (and complete) some kind of a project together.
Daniel and I have had plenty of opportunities to do this over the past six months since we bought our house. We have been remodeling, updating, and upgrading nearly everything (and believe me, our bank accounts have felt it quite keenly). With projects, I have found that all kinds of things can pop up: issues of control, differences in opinion and taste and how those differences are handled, how mistakes are responded to and taken care of, emotional reactivity when frustrated, etc. Personality flaws such as obsessive perfectionism or sloppy carelessness can also be brought to light. Even further, projects provide opportunities for a couple to practice teamwork and problem-solving together, which are skills that definitely will come into play throughout the couple’s life together.
The first weekend after Daniel and I bought our house, we tore out the cigarette smoke-filled, dog pee-stained purple carpets that had been everywhere but the kitchen (yes, including the bathrooms. Gross, right?). We bought new laminate flooring to install, and started putting it in right away.
My parents must have heard Daniel and I arguing about something while we worked together with one particularly difficult piece of the floor. The two of them laughed and said, “This is why you shouldn’t work on projects together until after you’re married.” This was a joke (just in case you needed that bit of reassurance), but very telling about what projects bring out in people.
Having bought this house well before our wedding day, I can say that I am glad we did it the way we did. Daniel and I are learning a lot about working together and discussing any differences in opinion we have. We are also learning how to balance each other’s strengths and weaknesses when we are working, which is very helpful. I know that we still have a lot to learn—good thing we have the rest of our lives together!
What I think should really be done to “test run” a marriage is quite different and perfectly acceptable, morally speaking. Before a couple gets married, what they should really do is work on (and complete) some kind of a project together.
Daniel and I have had plenty of opportunities to do this over the past six months since we bought our house. We have been remodeling, updating, and upgrading nearly everything (and believe me, our bank accounts have felt it quite keenly). With projects, I have found that all kinds of things can pop up: issues of control, differences in opinion and taste and how those differences are handled, how mistakes are responded to and taken care of, emotional reactivity when frustrated, etc. Personality flaws such as obsessive perfectionism or sloppy carelessness can also be brought to light. Even further, projects provide opportunities for a couple to practice teamwork and problem-solving together, which are skills that definitely will come into play throughout the couple’s life together.
The first weekend after Daniel and I bought our house, we tore out the cigarette smoke-filled, dog pee-stained purple carpets that had been everywhere but the kitchen (yes, including the bathrooms. Gross, right?). We bought new laminate flooring to install, and started putting it in right away.
My parents must have heard Daniel and I arguing about something while we worked together with one particularly difficult piece of the floor. The two of them laughed and said, “This is why you shouldn’t work on projects together until after you’re married.” This was a joke (just in case you needed that bit of reassurance), but very telling about what projects bring out in people.
Having bought this house well before our wedding day, I can say that I am glad we did it the way we did. Daniel and I are learning a lot about working together and discussing any differences in opinion we have. We are also learning how to balance each other’s strengths and weaknesses when we are working, which is very helpful. I know that we still have a lot to learn—good thing we have the rest of our lives together!
Friday, January 9, 2009
Hopes and Dreams
Daniel and I got our marriage license this week (another thing I can check off my list!), and apparently it’s pretty easy to get married in the state of Maryland. We had to raise our right hands to swear to tell the truth. Then we were just asked our names, ages, addresses, social security numbers, etc. and whether we had been married before or were related to one another. We didn’t even have to show identification, which I was surprised about.
We also applied for our passports the same day, which we will need for our honeymoon. Here’s a tip: if you’re applying for a passport, bring a photo with you to the post office (or wherever it is you’re applying). Daniel and I thought it would be easier for them to do our passports if they took the photos there and didn’t know it would cost any extra money. It did-- $15 bucks each, on top of the $100 each for the passports themselves! Crazy.
Anyways, looking for inspiration for this week’s entry, I asked Caroline what she wanted to know about that I hadn’t written yet. She said she would love to read about Daniel’s and my hopes and dreams for our future together… so if you aren’t interested in that, you’ll have to take it up with her. Unfortunately, Caroline isn’t her real name so that will only work if you already know who she is!
So here’s what Daniel and I want our lives to be like from May 16 forward. We already have a small house (which you know) on two beautiful acres of property only seven minutes from my family, which is where I’ve always wanted to live. In about five years, we hope to build a larger, Victorian style house on the land. We already had a plan picked out even before we settled on the land—counting our chickens before they had hatched, I know! Thankfully, we got the property.
Daniel should finish school and receive his master’s degree in clinical psychology in May 2010, which will hopefully allow him to get a bump in pay that is enough to allow me to stay home with our children when we have them. Ever since I was a very little girl, the only aspiration I have always been sure about was my desire to “be a mom.” To me, this meant that I wanted to do what my mom did. She stayed at home with me and my siblings while my dad went to work, and although I didn’t personally know anything different, I always loved that she was home. I know that for most of my childhood, it was not at all easy (financially speaking) for my parents to live and take care of their children on one income that was itself not very high. Daniel and I are blessed to be starting off on better financial footing than my parents did. If they could make living on one income work, I know that we can too, even when it does involve sacrifices.
That point aside, I have also always dreamed of being a novelist and writing from home. We joke about how I just need to “hurry up and write my best-seller” so that we won’t have to worry about money anymore. Maybe someday…
Daniel loves the job he has now working with children with special needs, mostly autism. He would love to continue in that field for the foreseeable future, and maybe someday work towards getting his doctorate degree. Maybe. I am not a huge fan of that idea myself, but we’ll see!
So I’ll be at home taking care of our children (four or five, or whatever God wants to give us), writing stories, and teaching Sunday school, which I also love. Daniel and I will never move from the land we own now, but we will travel the country with our kids on vacations, and travel Europe and the Holy Land when we retire. And we’ll never be bored! That’s what big families are good for, right?
There you have it. That is what I want for Daniel’s and my life together. I know that Proverbs 16:9 says, “In his mind a man plans his course, but the LORD directs his steps.” I hope that God doesn’t have anything too different figured out for us! I think I like Proverbs 16:3 better: “Entrust your works to the LORD, and your plans will succeed,” it says. That’s exactly what we plan to do!
We also applied for our passports the same day, which we will need for our honeymoon. Here’s a tip: if you’re applying for a passport, bring a photo with you to the post office (or wherever it is you’re applying). Daniel and I thought it would be easier for them to do our passports if they took the photos there and didn’t know it would cost any extra money. It did-- $15 bucks each, on top of the $100 each for the passports themselves! Crazy.
Anyways, looking for inspiration for this week’s entry, I asked Caroline what she wanted to know about that I hadn’t written yet. She said she would love to read about Daniel’s and my hopes and dreams for our future together… so if you aren’t interested in that, you’ll have to take it up with her. Unfortunately, Caroline isn’t her real name so that will only work if you already know who she is!
So here’s what Daniel and I want our lives to be like from May 16 forward. We already have a small house (which you know) on two beautiful acres of property only seven minutes from my family, which is where I’ve always wanted to live. In about five years, we hope to build a larger, Victorian style house on the land. We already had a plan picked out even before we settled on the land—counting our chickens before they had hatched, I know! Thankfully, we got the property.
Daniel should finish school and receive his master’s degree in clinical psychology in May 2010, which will hopefully allow him to get a bump in pay that is enough to allow me to stay home with our children when we have them. Ever since I was a very little girl, the only aspiration I have always been sure about was my desire to “be a mom.” To me, this meant that I wanted to do what my mom did. She stayed at home with me and my siblings while my dad went to work, and although I didn’t personally know anything different, I always loved that she was home. I know that for most of my childhood, it was not at all easy (financially speaking) for my parents to live and take care of their children on one income that was itself not very high. Daniel and I are blessed to be starting off on better financial footing than my parents did. If they could make living on one income work, I know that we can too, even when it does involve sacrifices.
That point aside, I have also always dreamed of being a novelist and writing from home. We joke about how I just need to “hurry up and write my best-seller” so that we won’t have to worry about money anymore. Maybe someday…
Daniel loves the job he has now working with children with special needs, mostly autism. He would love to continue in that field for the foreseeable future, and maybe someday work towards getting his doctorate degree. Maybe. I am not a huge fan of that idea myself, but we’ll see!
So I’ll be at home taking care of our children (four or five, or whatever God wants to give us), writing stories, and teaching Sunday school, which I also love. Daniel and I will never move from the land we own now, but we will travel the country with our kids on vacations, and travel Europe and the Holy Land when we retire. And we’ll never be bored! That’s what big families are good for, right?
There you have it. That is what I want for Daniel’s and my life together. I know that Proverbs 16:9 says, “In his mind a man plans his course, but the LORD directs his steps.” I hope that God doesn’t have anything too different figured out for us! I think I like Proverbs 16:3 better: “Entrust your works to the LORD, and your plans will succeed,” it says. That’s exactly what we plan to do!
Monday, January 5, 2009
Our Christmas celebration
I hope that you all had a very merry Christmas! Ours was wonderful. Daniel and I exchanged gifts at my house on Christmas Eve in the afternoon, in front of our own real, water-guzzling Balsam Fir. We had been two of those crazy people that went to a Best Buy store at one in the morning to stand in line and buy one of those computers on an incredible Black Friday deal… since we did that, we considered our computer our gift to each other and limited each other to one small gift each for Christmas.
I gave Daniel a four-way sterling medal on a steel chain—one of the ones with an image of the Miraculous Medal, the Sacred Heart of Jesus, St. Christopher, and St. Joseph in the parts of the cross. He gave me a computer program for designing home plans, landscaping, interior design, etc. (which may seem boring to you, but it is the kind of thing I love).
We had dinner with my family on Christmas Eve and Daniel exchanged gifts with my family, then we went to mass at 8:00 at my church. It was just the two of us, since my family had gone to the 4:00 children’s mass. Afterwards, we came back to my parents’ house again to wrap presents for a while until Daniel left at around 11:00. I didn’t end up crawling into bed with my long-asleep little sister Annie (ten) until almost 1:00.
After multiple excited wake-up-calls from seven-year-old Paul, beginning at 3:00 in the morning, the whole family eventually woke up and assembled to go downstairs at 7:00. And our traditional Christmas morning commenced. In my family, we always look at our Santa gifts and sort through our stockings first, then we all sit down for coffee and cinnamon buns. After that everyone takes turns, going from youngest to oldest (Edward to my dad), opening presents one at a time. That way, everyone gets to enjoy everyone opening their gifts and seeing each other’s reactions. This is definitely a tradition I want to continue with my own children. It makes our Christmas morning last into the afternoon (and it keeps wrapping paper and ribbon messes to a minimum).
I didn’t get to see Daniel at all on Christmas day, since we were each celebrating with our families at home. On the 26th, I drove to his parents’ house to spend the day with his family. It was definitely quieter there than at my parents’ house, but it was nice.
Happy 2009, everyone!
I gave Daniel a four-way sterling medal on a steel chain—one of the ones with an image of the Miraculous Medal, the Sacred Heart of Jesus, St. Christopher, and St. Joseph in the parts of the cross. He gave me a computer program for designing home plans, landscaping, interior design, etc. (which may seem boring to you, but it is the kind of thing I love).
We had dinner with my family on Christmas Eve and Daniel exchanged gifts with my family, then we went to mass at 8:00 at my church. It was just the two of us, since my family had gone to the 4:00 children’s mass. Afterwards, we came back to my parents’ house again to wrap presents for a while until Daniel left at around 11:00. I didn’t end up crawling into bed with my long-asleep little sister Annie (ten) until almost 1:00.
After multiple excited wake-up-calls from seven-year-old Paul, beginning at 3:00 in the morning, the whole family eventually woke up and assembled to go downstairs at 7:00. And our traditional Christmas morning commenced. In my family, we always look at our Santa gifts and sort through our stockings first, then we all sit down for coffee and cinnamon buns. After that everyone takes turns, going from youngest to oldest (Edward to my dad), opening presents one at a time. That way, everyone gets to enjoy everyone opening their gifts and seeing each other’s reactions. This is definitely a tradition I want to continue with my own children. It makes our Christmas morning last into the afternoon (and it keeps wrapping paper and ribbon messes to a minimum).
I didn’t get to see Daniel at all on Christmas day, since we were each celebrating with our families at home. On the 26th, I drove to his parents’ house to spend the day with his family. It was definitely quieter there than at my parents’ house, but it was nice.
Happy 2009, everyone!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
