I heard a homily this week that used the old James Dean film, Rebel without a Cause, which I have never seen, to illustrate that without God in one’s worldview, one’s life has no real meaning. In fact, in a world without God, there would be no purpose for anything at all.
Not too long ago, in the course of a conversation on this subject with a friend, Daniel once said something along the lines of: “I found out that I couldn’t really love Sarah unless I loved God first.” The response he received was, “But let’s just say that somehow you found out tomorrow with 100% certainty that God did not exist. Wouldn’t you still love Sarah?”
Tough question, with a short answer: “No.” But obviously, a short answer wasn’t going to cut it. My wonderful husband (although this was before he was my husband) went on to explain in the best way he could that if there was a way that God could be proved nonexistent beyond any shadow of doubt, loving me would not mean anything. It wouldn’t even be possible, because real love always comes from the God who is Love.
If true love between a husband and wife in this life is necessarily tied into eternal life with our Creator, as St. John Chrysostom suggests in the quote I used last week, then what purpose would love have in a godless world? “For the present life is nothing, and my most ardent dream is to spend it with you in such a way that we may be assured of not being separated in the life reserved for us…”
The question remains: Can you truly love someone if you don’t believe in God? I don’t think you can. Like I said, tough question. And a difficult answer to stomach, even for a believer. But God gives meaning to this life, and this life is all about relationship, with Him and with others in the world around us. I believe that.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
That's Love
Does anyone else find it really upsetting when you hear that the artist who sings one of your favorite, most genuine-sounding love songs has broken up with their boyfriend/girlfriend or separated from their husband/wife?
When Chuck Wicks released his song “Stealing Cinderella” and I heard it for the first time on country radio in 2007, I cried. This isn’t extremely unusual, since songs make me cry pretty often, especially if I’m driving in the car by myself. But it was a beautiful song that told a beautiful true story about a man asking his girlfriend’s father for her hand in marriage. At least, the radio announcers all said it was a true story.
The next thing I knew, later that year or maybe the next, I heard that Chuck and his fiancée had broken up. Luckily, they weren’t married yet (there are plenty of singer/songwriters whose beautiful love songs still on the air were written about ex-spouses). I’m sure that the ends of these relationships are all very sad stories, but still… it causes their old “love songs” not to ring quite so true. It’s sad. These songs tell all about “true love,” but the love didn’t last. What’s wrong with all this? What is love, really, if all these people thought they had it and then it ended?
Here is why I love the Church.
The Catechism gives us this:
“St. John Chrysostom suggests that young husbands should say to their wives: I have taken you in my arms, and I love you, and I prefer you to my life itself. For the present life is nothing, and my most ardent dream is to spend it with you in such a way that we may be assured of not being separated in the life reserved for us… I place your love above all things, and nothing would be more bitter or painful to me than to be of a different mind than you.” (CCC 2365)
That’s love. And doesn’t it sound a little bit like something Jesus might say to each one of us, perhaps from the cross?
Just a thought… and something to strive for in each of our marriages, now or in the future. Someone should put that in a love song. I’d bawl my eyes out.
When Chuck Wicks released his song “Stealing Cinderella” and I heard it for the first time on country radio in 2007, I cried. This isn’t extremely unusual, since songs make me cry pretty often, especially if I’m driving in the car by myself. But it was a beautiful song that told a beautiful true story about a man asking his girlfriend’s father for her hand in marriage. At least, the radio announcers all said it was a true story.
The next thing I knew, later that year or maybe the next, I heard that Chuck and his fiancée had broken up. Luckily, they weren’t married yet (there are plenty of singer/songwriters whose beautiful love songs still on the air were written about ex-spouses). I’m sure that the ends of these relationships are all very sad stories, but still… it causes their old “love songs” not to ring quite so true. It’s sad. These songs tell all about “true love,” but the love didn’t last. What’s wrong with all this? What is love, really, if all these people thought they had it and then it ended?
Here is why I love the Church.
The Catechism gives us this:
“St. John Chrysostom suggests that young husbands should say to their wives: I have taken you in my arms, and I love you, and I prefer you to my life itself. For the present life is nothing, and my most ardent dream is to spend it with you in such a way that we may be assured of not being separated in the life reserved for us… I place your love above all things, and nothing would be more bitter or painful to me than to be of a different mind than you.” (CCC 2365)
That’s love. And doesn’t it sound a little bit like something Jesus might say to each one of us, perhaps from the cross?
Just a thought… and something to strive for in each of our marriages, now or in the future. Someone should put that in a love song. I’d bawl my eyes out.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Commas Are Important
It’s so true! An example that my friend Caroline likes to use is this one: “On June 6, 1944 soldiers stormed the beaches of Normandy.” Without a comma after 1944, the sentence loses its correct meaning and can cause confusion. There are other examples, too. By the end of this entry, you will understand the perhaps corny-seeming connection that I made in my mind. But you know me well enough by now to know that I don’t mind being corny.
This has been a very long week, to say the least. Traffic has been a nightmare, for starters. Actually, it has been for the last few weeks, since the school year started. Worse traffic should be expected when school is in, but it definitely was not this bad this past spring or even last fall.
Allow me to explain, and please have patience with me while I rant just a little bit. At 11 in the morning, 2 in the afternoon, or 8:30 at night, the drive from home to work or vice versa takes anywhere from 59 minutes (my record!) to one hour and 10 minutes. At rush hour on good days, it takes around an hour and 20 minutes, give or take a few. On bad days in the past it has taken an hour and 45 minutes to 2 hours. I’m pretty sure that at least 10 days out of the past 15, it has taken around 2 hours and 10 minutes to get to work in the morning. This Tuesday, I think we hit a record BAD for a “normal” drive (meaning that we weren’t really affected by any accidents, but it was all a result of my favorite word, “volume”): 2 hours and 15 minutes.
Sometimes I feel like all this traffic is making me a bitter person. I’m really trying not to let it, though. Thank you for letting me get that off my chest! But this blog is about “My Catholic Marriage,” so I’ll get right to that. Simple connection: Daniel has to battle the same traffic, going the same direction that I do, although he doesn’t have to go as far. He doesn’t have anyone to carpool with (I do), so he never gets to use the HOV lane, which is helpful for those mornings when it actually decides to work.
This is not exactly the way to start one’s day off “on the right foot.” And it can cause Daniel and me to get home to each other at the end of the day drained and grumpy. Seriously, it can color my whole day if I’m not careful.
So the traffic is one thing. Another is that, to make a long story short, I started a new position on Monday in a different department in my building, and I am now working 8 to 5 instead of 9 to 5. While this means I get less sleep and am thus more tired during my frustrating drive to work, it is actually a little easier for both Daniel and me to wake up because we now have to wake up at the same time.
The last thing I’ll mention is that Daniel has been having some problems with his internship recently, and they have really been weighing on him.
When kids are in elementary school, they learn that when reading aloud, a comma is where you pause and perhaps take a breath.
On Wednesday night, the middle of the week and the perfect time for a “comma,” Daniel and I were blessed to have the opportunity to attend Eucharistic Adoration. The praise and worship music was so calming, and Daniel and I both really needed to take our stresses to Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. We really did need to “pause and take a breath” in the spiritual sense. It helped, just like it always does. Although it wasn’t one of the songs that was included in the program, the following song written by Dennis Jernigan came to mind. I first heard it sung by Martin Doman during Adoration at the 2003 Steubenville East Youth Conference in Attleboro, Massachusetts. Since I don’t have much else to say, I think I’ll end with the refrain of “If I Could Just Sit With You Awhile” as a prayer:
If I could just sit with You awhile
If You could just hold me
Nothing could touch me
Though I'm wounded, though I die
If I could just sit with You awhile
I need you to hold me
Moment by moment
Till forever passes by
This has been a very long week, to say the least. Traffic has been a nightmare, for starters. Actually, it has been for the last few weeks, since the school year started. Worse traffic should be expected when school is in, but it definitely was not this bad this past spring or even last fall.
Allow me to explain, and please have patience with me while I rant just a little bit. At 11 in the morning, 2 in the afternoon, or 8:30 at night, the drive from home to work or vice versa takes anywhere from 59 minutes (my record!) to one hour and 10 minutes. At rush hour on good days, it takes around an hour and 20 minutes, give or take a few. On bad days in the past it has taken an hour and 45 minutes to 2 hours. I’m pretty sure that at least 10 days out of the past 15, it has taken around 2 hours and 10 minutes to get to work in the morning. This Tuesday, I think we hit a record BAD for a “normal” drive (meaning that we weren’t really affected by any accidents, but it was all a result of my favorite word, “volume”): 2 hours and 15 minutes.
Sometimes I feel like all this traffic is making me a bitter person. I’m really trying not to let it, though. Thank you for letting me get that off my chest! But this blog is about “My Catholic Marriage,” so I’ll get right to that. Simple connection: Daniel has to battle the same traffic, going the same direction that I do, although he doesn’t have to go as far. He doesn’t have anyone to carpool with (I do), so he never gets to use the HOV lane, which is helpful for those mornings when it actually decides to work.
This is not exactly the way to start one’s day off “on the right foot.” And it can cause Daniel and me to get home to each other at the end of the day drained and grumpy. Seriously, it can color my whole day if I’m not careful.
So the traffic is one thing. Another is that, to make a long story short, I started a new position on Monday in a different department in my building, and I am now working 8 to 5 instead of 9 to 5. While this means I get less sleep and am thus more tired during my frustrating drive to work, it is actually a little easier for both Daniel and me to wake up because we now have to wake up at the same time.
The last thing I’ll mention is that Daniel has been having some problems with his internship recently, and they have really been weighing on him.
When kids are in elementary school, they learn that when reading aloud, a comma is where you pause and perhaps take a breath.
On Wednesday night, the middle of the week and the perfect time for a “comma,” Daniel and I were blessed to have the opportunity to attend Eucharistic Adoration. The praise and worship music was so calming, and Daniel and I both really needed to take our stresses to Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. We really did need to “pause and take a breath” in the spiritual sense. It helped, just like it always does. Although it wasn’t one of the songs that was included in the program, the following song written by Dennis Jernigan came to mind. I first heard it sung by Martin Doman during Adoration at the 2003 Steubenville East Youth Conference in Attleboro, Massachusetts. Since I don’t have much else to say, I think I’ll end with the refrain of “If I Could Just Sit With You Awhile” as a prayer:
If I could just sit with You awhile
If You could just hold me
Nothing could touch me
Though I'm wounded, though I die
If I could just sit with You awhile
I need you to hold me
Moment by moment
Till forever passes by
Friday, September 18, 2009
Blending
A couple of weeks ago, someone posted a comment asking me what some of the struggles of marriage are. “Obviously, blending two lives into one cannot be easy at times,” she wrote. “Marriage is an amazing sacrament, and I hope to one day be called to mirror Christ's love in the world through the sacrament of marriage. However, I think us single gals out there need to know some of the areas you really worked as an individual and as a couple to prepare for, along with areas you wish you had prepared more for.”
When I made my list of the joys of marriage last month, I mentioned how easy that task was. For me, listing the struggles of marriage is a little harder. Yes, “blending two lives into one is not easy at times.” Like learning to share a single bathroom sink and mirror when I want to tweeze my eyebrows and Daniel wants to shave. Or dealing with pet peeve issues, like when Daniel leaves recycling in the kitchen sink to be rinsed out “later” or I forget to turn the computer off when I’ve finished using it.
But I feel like I’m beating a dead horse with silly stuff like that. Daniel and I worked through the major stuff in the four and a half years we were together before we got married—religion, values, lifestyle, desires for the future, etc. Early on when we were dating, there was a lot to do in these areas. You can read about that in my entries from last summer and fall. Now there are, of course, the standard newlywed issues such as time (which I’ll talk about now) and money (which I talked about on 9/3).
Time is a big one for Daniel and me, as I know it is for so many couples, because our time together during the week is restricted to a few hours each evening after work. In that limited amount of time, there is dinner to be prepared, enjoyed, and cleaned up. Then there is mail to be sorted, exercise, and lunches to be made for the next day if we actually get around to it. Not to mention other miscellaneous chores or errands to be run. Relaxation is an issue that goes along with time. I am not good at relaxing when I know that there are things that need to be done. Daniel, however, has no problem with this whatsoever. I get upset when I see him sitting around while I feel so stressed by everything I “have to do,” but he sees this as my own problem: “You could sit down with me if you wanted to,” etc. Voila! Tension. And we don’t even have kids yet!
With so little time at home together every day, we never get to bed as early as we would like to. This leads to another issue: waking up in the morning. This might not be one you would think of, but it is a lot harder to find your way out from under the covers when there is another warm body sleeping peacefully next to you!
Speaking of covers, sharing them has proved to be somewhat of a challenge as well. Daniel doesn’t like the sheets to be tucked into the mattress around him, while I like to have a neatly made bed before I climb into it. Once I’m off in dreamland, though, that rule apparently no longer applies. Daniel calls me a “burrito”, because while I’m asleep I like to steal the covers away from him by rolling up into them, leaving him shivering.
Like I said, this stuff is all pretty silly for the most part. I’ve touched on other struggles in the past few months, such as balancing time spent with friends and family, and making decisions about money. The thing is that overall, I feel like Daniel and I did a very good job in preparing for marriage. We had our priorities and goals in sync with one other, which I think is the most important thing. In fact, our lives were already so intertwined before we got married that actually getting married and moving in together made our relationship easier. That is why answering this question was difficult for me. Our situation was pretty unique, though; we know this isn’t how it is for most people.
Maybe some readers who have been married for longer than Daniel and I have can help me out with answering this question about the struggles involved in the blending of lives in the sacrament of marriage…
When I made my list of the joys of marriage last month, I mentioned how easy that task was. For me, listing the struggles of marriage is a little harder. Yes, “blending two lives into one is not easy at times.” Like learning to share a single bathroom sink and mirror when I want to tweeze my eyebrows and Daniel wants to shave. Or dealing with pet peeve issues, like when Daniel leaves recycling in the kitchen sink to be rinsed out “later” or I forget to turn the computer off when I’ve finished using it.
But I feel like I’m beating a dead horse with silly stuff like that. Daniel and I worked through the major stuff in the four and a half years we were together before we got married—religion, values, lifestyle, desires for the future, etc. Early on when we were dating, there was a lot to do in these areas. You can read about that in my entries from last summer and fall. Now there are, of course, the standard newlywed issues such as time (which I’ll talk about now) and money (which I talked about on 9/3).
Time is a big one for Daniel and me, as I know it is for so many couples, because our time together during the week is restricted to a few hours each evening after work. In that limited amount of time, there is dinner to be prepared, enjoyed, and cleaned up. Then there is mail to be sorted, exercise, and lunches to be made for the next day if we actually get around to it. Not to mention other miscellaneous chores or errands to be run. Relaxation is an issue that goes along with time. I am not good at relaxing when I know that there are things that need to be done. Daniel, however, has no problem with this whatsoever. I get upset when I see him sitting around while I feel so stressed by everything I “have to do,” but he sees this as my own problem: “You could sit down with me if you wanted to,” etc. Voila! Tension. And we don’t even have kids yet!
With so little time at home together every day, we never get to bed as early as we would like to. This leads to another issue: waking up in the morning. This might not be one you would think of, but it is a lot harder to find your way out from under the covers when there is another warm body sleeping peacefully next to you!
Speaking of covers, sharing them has proved to be somewhat of a challenge as well. Daniel doesn’t like the sheets to be tucked into the mattress around him, while I like to have a neatly made bed before I climb into it. Once I’m off in dreamland, though, that rule apparently no longer applies. Daniel calls me a “burrito”, because while I’m asleep I like to steal the covers away from him by rolling up into them, leaving him shivering.
Like I said, this stuff is all pretty silly for the most part. I’ve touched on other struggles in the past few months, such as balancing time spent with friends and family, and making decisions about money. The thing is that overall, I feel like Daniel and I did a very good job in preparing for marriage. We had our priorities and goals in sync with one other, which I think is the most important thing. In fact, our lives were already so intertwined before we got married that actually getting married and moving in together made our relationship easier. That is why answering this question was difficult for me. Our situation was pretty unique, though; we know this isn’t how it is for most people.
Maybe some readers who have been married for longer than Daniel and I have can help me out with answering this question about the struggles involved in the blending of lives in the sacrament of marriage…
Thursday, September 10, 2009
A Lovely Long Weekend
To those of you who posted comments last week, thank you so much for the birthday wishes! I had a wonderful evening with my husband. I know that Thursday wasn’t really a part of this particular long weekend, but it still felt like a weekend to me, so I’m including it.
Daniel and I went out for dinner at a nearby restaurant that we had never tried before or even heard much about, and I’m not sure that was the best decision on my part. I was really hungry after work and didn’t want to drive far to get a meal. The food was pretty good, but it seemed to be much more of a lunch place than a dinner place, and they were out of a lot of the options on the menu. This was interesting, since we arrived to a completely empty restaurant… which also happened to be absolutely freezing, so we left pretty quickly after Daniel finished his burger. To say that he is a much faster eater than me would be an understatement—I took most of my chicken Caesar salad wrap to go so that I could stop shivering.
The important thing, though, was that Daniel and I got to spend the evening together. He gave me a beautiful diamond journey necklace, which I proudly wore to dinner (as though I had chosen someplace fancy). I’ve never owned any real diamond jewelry before other than my engagement and wedding rings, so I was very excited. Daniel, as usual, was very cute in asking over and over again whether I was sure I liked his gift. Of course, I assured him over and over again that I loved it. He always gives the best gifts.
When I got home, I took the necklace off and placed it in the top drawer of the jewelry box Daniel handmade for my birthday in 2006. Every time I open one of the drawers, I stick my nose into it. It still smells like whatever wood stain he used. I love that smell. Like I said, he always gives the best gifts. I am so lucky.
On Saturday, we attended the wedding of a college friend—the first since our own nearly four months ago! This one was a Catholic wedding within a Mass, like ours, and in the same chapel that we were married in. Everything about it was lovely, from the sunny afternoon to the groom’s smile to the abundant sunflowers, and of course the bride! The bride and groom were so clearly full of joy; I didn’t expect to, but I cried. A little. At the reception, Daniel and I were the second ones to sit down during the married couples dance (the bride and groom had to sit down first). It was beautiful watching all those husbands and wives swaying together, until only two couples remained on the floor, married over fifty years.
The next day, Sunday, marked five years since Daniel and I first began dating. I can’t imagine how it must feel to have been married as long as those couples—ten times longer than Daniel and I have even been together, which feels like so long to us—but I look forward to finding out.
Daniel and I went out for dinner at a nearby restaurant that we had never tried before or even heard much about, and I’m not sure that was the best decision on my part. I was really hungry after work and didn’t want to drive far to get a meal. The food was pretty good, but it seemed to be much more of a lunch place than a dinner place, and they were out of a lot of the options on the menu. This was interesting, since we arrived to a completely empty restaurant… which also happened to be absolutely freezing, so we left pretty quickly after Daniel finished his burger. To say that he is a much faster eater than me would be an understatement—I took most of my chicken Caesar salad wrap to go so that I could stop shivering.
The important thing, though, was that Daniel and I got to spend the evening together. He gave me a beautiful diamond journey necklace, which I proudly wore to dinner (as though I had chosen someplace fancy). I’ve never owned any real diamond jewelry before other than my engagement and wedding rings, so I was very excited. Daniel, as usual, was very cute in asking over and over again whether I was sure I liked his gift. Of course, I assured him over and over again that I loved it. He always gives the best gifts.
When I got home, I took the necklace off and placed it in the top drawer of the jewelry box Daniel handmade for my birthday in 2006. Every time I open one of the drawers, I stick my nose into it. It still smells like whatever wood stain he used. I love that smell. Like I said, he always gives the best gifts. I am so lucky.
On Saturday, we attended the wedding of a college friend—the first since our own nearly four months ago! This one was a Catholic wedding within a Mass, like ours, and in the same chapel that we were married in. Everything about it was lovely, from the sunny afternoon to the groom’s smile to the abundant sunflowers, and of course the bride! The bride and groom were so clearly full of joy; I didn’t expect to, but I cried. A little. At the reception, Daniel and I were the second ones to sit down during the married couples dance (the bride and groom had to sit down first). It was beautiful watching all those husbands and wives swaying together, until only two couples remained on the floor, married over fifty years.
The next day, Sunday, marked five years since Daniel and I first began dating. I can’t imagine how it must feel to have been married as long as those couples—ten times longer than Daniel and I have even been together, which feels like so long to us—but I look forward to finding out.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Priorities
When Daniel and I are making decisions, we find ourselves saying pretty often: “We can’t afford that.” Really, most of the time we know this not to be quite true. What we really should be saying is, “That doesn’t fit in with how we’ve decided we want to be spending our money.”
As a couple, we know that we are considerably better off than most of the world. We are comfortable. God has blessed us with so much. I have to remind myself of this pretty often, though… like when I feel like I don’t have “enough” clothes because I don’t have quite the outfit variety that I might like to have. What is “enough”? Or when I feel sorry for myself because I don’t have an iPod or an unlimited text and data plan on my cell phone. That stuff isn’t important, and it is by my own choice that I don’t have them.
The point is that it is not that Daniel and I “can’t afford” to see movies when they come out in theaters, eat out every weekend, etc., etc. It’s that we choose, on a daily basis, not to afford these things. The good thing is that so far we haven’t really had any disagreements about how we should be spending our money; we tend to be on the same page. Becoming homeowners two months after graduating college is not exactly typical. Neither is getting married one year after graduation. These things mean that our priorities are currently a little different than those of most of our friends, and we make our budget based on the priorities we have chosen for our life together.
This means that nearly all of our discretionary money, after paying our mortgage, utilities, groceries, etc., goes toward paying down debt; that way, when we have children we will have fewer monthly payment obligations and will be able to afford having me stay home—a very valuable priority for both Daniel and me. I finished paying down my 2008 Kia Spectra loan in July (yay!) and we are now hard at work on my student loans. Daniel’s student loans will come next. I had no idea there could be such incredible satisfaction in seeing principal amounts go significantly down each time a large lump payment is made on a loan—each one means we’re one step closer to our goal.
And although I’ve touched on it before, our goal is this: to have enough resources to raise a family in a comfortable home on our land (we’re also saving to build on our property within the next five years) and to be able to share our blessings with others, whether those others be family and friends close by or strangers in need halfway around the globe.
Most importantly, though, we have to remember that even now—before we’ve reached this goal—we need to count our blessings and thank God for them, one by one. We’ve already been given so much. When I consider the lives some people in our world have to live, I feel so lucky to be able to go out to dinner with my wonderful husband on special occasions, like tonight (Thursday). I’m turning 23 today!
As a couple, we know that we are considerably better off than most of the world. We are comfortable. God has blessed us with so much. I have to remind myself of this pretty often, though… like when I feel like I don’t have “enough” clothes because I don’t have quite the outfit variety that I might like to have. What is “enough”? Or when I feel sorry for myself because I don’t have an iPod or an unlimited text and data plan on my cell phone. That stuff isn’t important, and it is by my own choice that I don’t have them.
The point is that it is not that Daniel and I “can’t afford” to see movies when they come out in theaters, eat out every weekend, etc., etc. It’s that we choose, on a daily basis, not to afford these things. The good thing is that so far we haven’t really had any disagreements about how we should be spending our money; we tend to be on the same page. Becoming homeowners two months after graduating college is not exactly typical. Neither is getting married one year after graduation. These things mean that our priorities are currently a little different than those of most of our friends, and we make our budget based on the priorities we have chosen for our life together.
This means that nearly all of our discretionary money, after paying our mortgage, utilities, groceries, etc., goes toward paying down debt; that way, when we have children we will have fewer monthly payment obligations and will be able to afford having me stay home—a very valuable priority for both Daniel and me. I finished paying down my 2008 Kia Spectra loan in July (yay!) and we are now hard at work on my student loans. Daniel’s student loans will come next. I had no idea there could be such incredible satisfaction in seeing principal amounts go significantly down each time a large lump payment is made on a loan—each one means we’re one step closer to our goal.
And although I’ve touched on it before, our goal is this: to have enough resources to raise a family in a comfortable home on our land (we’re also saving to build on our property within the next five years) and to be able to share our blessings with others, whether those others be family and friends close by or strangers in need halfway around the globe.
Most importantly, though, we have to remember that even now—before we’ve reached this goal—we need to count our blessings and thank God for them, one by one. We’ve already been given so much. When I consider the lives some people in our world have to live, I feel so lucky to be able to go out to dinner with my wonderful husband on special occasions, like tonight (Thursday). I’m turning 23 today!
Friday, August 28, 2009
Church
About a month after our wedding, Daniel and I officially registered as parishioners at the church near our home, the same church that I have attended with my family for the past ten years. The staff there knows me by face and by family, but did not necessarily know Daniel’s name. After filling out the form as “Daniel and Sarah H,” I felt the need to clarify in the comments section at the bottom of the page so that they would know who I was: “my maiden name is Sarah B.”
Being parishioners means that offertory envelopes arrive in the mail addressed to “Mr. and Mrs. Daniel H.” A new pack arrived yesterday. Daniel and I have been determined to be active parishioners right from the beginning, and this includes weekly giving to the Church. I have received advice from my parents and others that I should always be generous in tithing no matter what my financial situation is like. As long as a person does this, he or she will be alright. There will always be enough.
Another way we are going to be active in our parish is through co-teaching a sixth grade religious education class beginning in a few weeks. My sister Annie is in the class, so she is going to have her sister and brother-in-law as teachers, plus another sister (Jane) as the class aide. Our family is going to be everywhere in that classroom! Daniel and I are really looking forward to being catechists together, and can’t wait for the year to start.
Since Daniel and I married young, pretty much all of the married couples in our parish are older than us. And the couples who don’t have children all look to be significantly older than us, too. In fact, when we were going through marriage prep with our sponsor couple, they told us we were the first couple they had that was younger than them! I guess as time goes by, more and more couples our age will marry and “settle down” in our area; we would love to be able to connect with other young Catholic newlyweds near us.
In speaking about the Church, I can’t neglect the Catholic view of the family as the “domestic church.” Daniel and I are a family unit of our own, even though we haven’t “started a family” yet in the common understanding of the phrase. We are called to make our domestic church here and now, built around the sacrament of marriage, in preparation for the expansion plans God holds for our future. This is why Daniel and I are trying to build our home and our life with God as its foundation. Pope John Paul II said, “As the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live.” In our unremarkable and imperfect way, we are going to try to do our part—starting now.
Have a good weekend!
Being parishioners means that offertory envelopes arrive in the mail addressed to “Mr. and Mrs. Daniel H.” A new pack arrived yesterday. Daniel and I have been determined to be active parishioners right from the beginning, and this includes weekly giving to the Church. I have received advice from my parents and others that I should always be generous in tithing no matter what my financial situation is like. As long as a person does this, he or she will be alright. There will always be enough.
Another way we are going to be active in our parish is through co-teaching a sixth grade religious education class beginning in a few weeks. My sister Annie is in the class, so she is going to have her sister and brother-in-law as teachers, plus another sister (Jane) as the class aide. Our family is going to be everywhere in that classroom! Daniel and I are really looking forward to being catechists together, and can’t wait for the year to start.
Since Daniel and I married young, pretty much all of the married couples in our parish are older than us. And the couples who don’t have children all look to be significantly older than us, too. In fact, when we were going through marriage prep with our sponsor couple, they told us we were the first couple they had that was younger than them! I guess as time goes by, more and more couples our age will marry and “settle down” in our area; we would love to be able to connect with other young Catholic newlyweds near us.
In speaking about the Church, I can’t neglect the Catholic view of the family as the “domestic church.” Daniel and I are a family unit of our own, even though we haven’t “started a family” yet in the common understanding of the phrase. We are called to make our domestic church here and now, built around the sacrament of marriage, in preparation for the expansion plans God holds for our future. This is why Daniel and I are trying to build our home and our life with God as its foundation. Pope John Paul II said, “As the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live.” In our unremarkable and imperfect way, we are going to try to do our part—starting now.
Have a good weekend!
Friday, August 21, 2009
2009-2010
I am no longer a student, but I still feel the excitement of fresh beginnings with the start of a new school year. Having attended Catholic grade school and a Catholic college, I have always operated in three different “years,” all going at once. There’s the Church’s Liturgical year, beginning with the first Sunday of Advent; the calendar year, beginning on January 1st; and finally the school year, beginning in late August or early September.
The school year has always been primary for me. The school year carries a lot more meaning than the calendar year. Things don’t really change on January 1st, unless you count your own New Year’s resolutions. It is the school year that carries with it all the changes: summer breaks/vacations are over and students move up from one grade level to the next or move from one school to another. New clothes and shoes are bought, new hairstyles are tried out, new friends are made, and new authority figures come into play. Parents put their five-year-olds on school buses for the first time and watch them ride off into big-kid-dom. For a lot of seventeen and eighteen-year-olds, a new school year means moving away from their parents’ home for the first time. Fall sports, scouts, musical instruments, Sunday school—all start up again with the beginning of a new school year.
Like I said, I am not a student myself any more, but I’m not so far removed that the new school year has lost all of its significance in my mind. I find myself thinking of this as the first “school year” of Daniel’s and my marriage—I know that’s a little silly. Of course, Daniel is going back to school this year. He had his first day of his internship for his clinical psychology masters’ program yesterday, and he’ll start up classes after Labor Day. He also works in a school, which means that he’ll be working more hours come Monday, now that the summer session has ended and a new year is beginning.
What this all means for me is that I’m really being given the opportunity to prove myself as the “helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18). When Daniel’s working full time, plus an extra sixteen hours a week for his internship, plus at least one class a week along with homework, he is without a doubt going to need as much help as I can give him. I’ve been brainstorming to come up with a list of all the different little ways that I might be able to make his life easier… but I’m not going to list any of them here, otherwise Daniel will read them and come to expect certain things. And since I’ve been known to be a bit more ambitious than I’m capable of executing, I certainly can’t have that! :-)
While Daniel will be spending a lot of his Saturdays this fall getting in his internship hours, I have a pretty good idea of what I should be spending my time alone doing. Actually, I shouldn’t be spending it alone! In the months leading up to the wedding, I was so wrapped up in planning a wedding and preparing for a marriage that I think that some of my other relationships were neglected. I heard a homily this week that included the seemingly simple reminder that the two ingredients every relationship needs are: time and attention. I need to give a little bit more time and attention to my female friendships and family relationships than I have been; I also need to focus more on my personal relationship with God through an increase in private time spent in prayer. All of this is inclusive in the vocation of marriage; while my life does and should revolve around God and my husband first and foremost, Daniel and I should be going out from ourselves to share our joy with others. I recognize this as something I need to work on—please pray for me.
Also, please pray for Daniel as he starts his new, super-busy schedule and good luck to all of you who are preparing for fresh starts as the 2009-2010 school year begins—God bless!
The school year has always been primary for me. The school year carries a lot more meaning than the calendar year. Things don’t really change on January 1st, unless you count your own New Year’s resolutions. It is the school year that carries with it all the changes: summer breaks/vacations are over and students move up from one grade level to the next or move from one school to another. New clothes and shoes are bought, new hairstyles are tried out, new friends are made, and new authority figures come into play. Parents put their five-year-olds on school buses for the first time and watch them ride off into big-kid-dom. For a lot of seventeen and eighteen-year-olds, a new school year means moving away from their parents’ home for the first time. Fall sports, scouts, musical instruments, Sunday school—all start up again with the beginning of a new school year.
Like I said, I am not a student myself any more, but I’m not so far removed that the new school year has lost all of its significance in my mind. I find myself thinking of this as the first “school year” of Daniel’s and my marriage—I know that’s a little silly. Of course, Daniel is going back to school this year. He had his first day of his internship for his clinical psychology masters’ program yesterday, and he’ll start up classes after Labor Day. He also works in a school, which means that he’ll be working more hours come Monday, now that the summer session has ended and a new year is beginning.
What this all means for me is that I’m really being given the opportunity to prove myself as the “helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18). When Daniel’s working full time, plus an extra sixteen hours a week for his internship, plus at least one class a week along with homework, he is without a doubt going to need as much help as I can give him. I’ve been brainstorming to come up with a list of all the different little ways that I might be able to make his life easier… but I’m not going to list any of them here, otherwise Daniel will read them and come to expect certain things. And since I’ve been known to be a bit more ambitious than I’m capable of executing, I certainly can’t have that! :-)
While Daniel will be spending a lot of his Saturdays this fall getting in his internship hours, I have a pretty good idea of what I should be spending my time alone doing. Actually, I shouldn’t be spending it alone! In the months leading up to the wedding, I was so wrapped up in planning a wedding and preparing for a marriage that I think that some of my other relationships were neglected. I heard a homily this week that included the seemingly simple reminder that the two ingredients every relationship needs are: time and attention. I need to give a little bit more time and attention to my female friendships and family relationships than I have been; I also need to focus more on my personal relationship with God through an increase in private time spent in prayer. All of this is inclusive in the vocation of marriage; while my life does and should revolve around God and my husband first and foremost, Daniel and I should be going out from ourselves to share our joy with others. I recognize this as something I need to work on—please pray for me.
Also, please pray for Daniel as he starts his new, super-busy schedule and good luck to all of you who are preparing for fresh starts as the 2009-2010 school year begins—God bless!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
The Joys of Marriage
A couple of weeks ago, one reader commented that I haven’t been focusing enough on the joys of marriage in my blog. So, I decided to come up with a list of some of the joys of my marriage to Daniel. I love easy tasks, and this certainly was one! In no particular order, here you go:
-- Being able to see each other every single day of every single week
-- Having my best friend around all the time, so that I can share everything with him without having to pick up the phone
-- Sharing our days in person rather than over the phone
--Doing routine grocery shopping together and making meals for each other in our very own kitchen
--Being called “Mrs. Hammond” by new people that I meet or speak to on the phone
--Calling Daniel “my husband” and having Daniel introduce me as his wife
--Continuing to work on our home together and knowing the satisfaction of seeing it finished
--Learning more about each other every day, even though we dated for nearly five years before we got married
-- Folding each other’s laundry (although folding laundry itself is not exactly a joy, for now it’s a newlywed joy to be folding Daniel’s socks and know that this house is where they belong)
-- Watching movies we both love on the couch on a Friday night
-- Looking forward to understanding what it will mean to love each other even more than we do today
-- Planning for the future, imagining what our lives and our family will be like
-- Knowing that we are already on our chosen path of serving God, and that our most important decision has already been made and our vocation has begun
-- Reading and praying together every night before we go to bed
-- Being silly and laughing hysterically when we are alone, knowing that we are free to be so completely ourselves, more than we can ever be with anyone else
-- Being held in the arms of the one I love as I fall asleep, and the feeling of peace that comes in knowing that there is nowhere else in the world I’d rather be
-- Feeling like I am the luckiest girl in the world to have such a good man who loves me so much
-- Praying that God teach me how to love my husband better, and believing that, little by little, He will
-- Seeing ourselves five years ago in light of the man and woman we are today, realizing how much we have both grown in every aspect of our lives, and knowing that as we grew, we grew together
-- Looking back over our memories of the past five years since Daniel and I began dating (beginning with the story Daniel told you last week) and seeing God’s hand in it all
-- Hearing songs like this one and getting chills (like I did in the car the other day) because I know exactly what the artist (in this case Martina McBride) means:
I have been blessed
and I feel like I’ve found my way
I thank God for all I’ve been given
at the end of every day
I have been blessed
with so much more than I deserve
To be here with the one
that loves me
To love him so much it hurts
I have been blessed
What are some of the joys in your marriages? I would love to hear them, and I’m sure others would, too.
Friday, August 7, 2009
The Voice of Choice
This week's entry is written by Daniel.
Let me begin by saying that I am not as eloquent as my wife. To give you proper perspective, Sarah worked at the writing center when we were in college and I was a frequent user of the writing center. That said, I would like to focus on a few things in this post through an all-encompassing story. I hope to address my faith, conflicts within marriage, and my new understanding of love. That’s not such a bad thesis (maybe the writing center did help!)
I remember when Sarah and I never fought. In the first days of dating, you want to seem as pleasing as possible to the other person, but eventually that changes (as it should.) One day, Sarah and I had a fight about religion and God. This was by no means our first fight, but it was a fight that I will NEVER forget.
At that time, I was practically an agnostic. I did not believe God existed because I couldn’t prove it in my mind. I had no “proof” that God existed, therefore he did not. Then one day Sarah and I had a conversation about faith.
Not too far into this conversation, Sarah and I were upset with each other and she was practically in tears. I don’t raise my voice when arguing which drives Sarah crazy because I’m calm when she thinks I should be showing more emotion. For the life of me, I cannot remember the sentence that preceded what Sarah said to me, but what she said to me changed my life forever. After arguing with all my intellect, Sarah responded with this simple phrase, “You don’t understand because you don’t have as much faith as I do.”
I’m not sure how to describe the way I felt when she said that. I didn’t believe in God, but her statement hit me like a bullet. What does she mean she has more faith than I do?? The nerve of that girl! Who does she think I am? Not knowing what to say, I stormed out of the room after having to move Sarah out of my way (don’t worry I just picked her up and moved her 6 inches). She was yelling my name down the hallway, saying she was sorry but I was already out of the building.
I don’t remember running, but I was at my destination faster than I had ever been before. Furious with Sarah, I had to take time to cool off. I stopped at a park bench near the school library, pacing back and forth. I was a mess. I didn’t believe there was a God, so why was I so bothered that I didn’t have as much faith as she did? I’m better off not believing in her silly religion anyway, right? But I couldn’t stop thinking about what she said.
An hour went by as I sat on the bench. Then it happened. While slumping over on a bench in the middle of our college campus with my hands wrapped around my head, I heard a voice. Not just any voice, but a voice that I had never heard before. It was a calm, clear, non-gendered voice, neither high nor low. Hearing voices is a cause for concern to a 19 year old clinical psychology student, but the voice was comforting, as a best friend’s voice is comforting when you are all alone and scared. The voice simply said “Go back.” It never repeated itself, but it was one of the clearest things I have ever heard. So I listened, and I went back.
When I went back to Sarah, I found her in tears. Even though she was crying she looked more beautiful to me than ever before. I could see that she loved me and that she was very sad at the thought of losing me, even though I was the one in the wrong. She hugged me and we talked for hours with a million apologies on both sides. I believe that I heard the voice of God that night.
After all our years together, I finally understand why the voice sent me back. God could have said, “Hey dummy, I’m over here.” God could have done wondrous things to prove to me that he existed. But he didn’t want to prove himself to me, he wanted me with Sarah. Over the next several years, I began to deepen my faith with Sarah. It started with prayer and then church. She taught me how faith could make sense. I learned from her (and others) that the existence of God and miracles doesn’t conflict with logic, but that logically the world could only exist through God.
What happened that night has spilled over into my entire life. First, faith makes sense; once I held God as a truth everything else seemed to fit, but without God nothing fit. Second, having a wonderful wife, family, and friends has taught me that faith deepens through relationships because each one of us holds Christ within us. Our faith becomes more powerful and understandable when we share it, rather than hide it. Third, our marital fights may be very serious, but we always know how they will end. Each of us now knows that we are meant for the other. We constantly try to lead each other to Christ because that is what it means to love someone. Sometimes we just forget and argue about dishes or the fact that I sleep all the time.
Fourth and finally, I am always listening for that voice to tell me what to do again. But what I have learned over the years is that voice now comes from within me. I have never experienced that feeling again, but I believe that God opened my heart to help me see his will more clearly. God never told me what to do, but he made the choice obvious.
Since this is probably the only time that I will ever get something "published" I just wanted to add an acknowledgement. I would like to thank God for always leading my heart with his message of love, and to my wife, Sarah, who helps me listen and interpret.
Let me begin by saying that I am not as eloquent as my wife. To give you proper perspective, Sarah worked at the writing center when we were in college and I was a frequent user of the writing center. That said, I would like to focus on a few things in this post through an all-encompassing story. I hope to address my faith, conflicts within marriage, and my new understanding of love. That’s not such a bad thesis (maybe the writing center did help!)
I remember when Sarah and I never fought. In the first days of dating, you want to seem as pleasing as possible to the other person, but eventually that changes (as it should.) One day, Sarah and I had a fight about religion and God. This was by no means our first fight, but it was a fight that I will NEVER forget.
At that time, I was practically an agnostic. I did not believe God existed because I couldn’t prove it in my mind. I had no “proof” that God existed, therefore he did not. Then one day Sarah and I had a conversation about faith.
Not too far into this conversation, Sarah and I were upset with each other and she was practically in tears. I don’t raise my voice when arguing which drives Sarah crazy because I’m calm when she thinks I should be showing more emotion. For the life of me, I cannot remember the sentence that preceded what Sarah said to me, but what she said to me changed my life forever. After arguing with all my intellect, Sarah responded with this simple phrase, “You don’t understand because you don’t have as much faith as I do.”
I’m not sure how to describe the way I felt when she said that. I didn’t believe in God, but her statement hit me like a bullet. What does she mean she has more faith than I do?? The nerve of that girl! Who does she think I am? Not knowing what to say, I stormed out of the room after having to move Sarah out of my way (don’t worry I just picked her up and moved her 6 inches). She was yelling my name down the hallway, saying she was sorry but I was already out of the building.
I don’t remember running, but I was at my destination faster than I had ever been before. Furious with Sarah, I had to take time to cool off. I stopped at a park bench near the school library, pacing back and forth. I was a mess. I didn’t believe there was a God, so why was I so bothered that I didn’t have as much faith as she did? I’m better off not believing in her silly religion anyway, right? But I couldn’t stop thinking about what she said.
An hour went by as I sat on the bench. Then it happened. While slumping over on a bench in the middle of our college campus with my hands wrapped around my head, I heard a voice. Not just any voice, but a voice that I had never heard before. It was a calm, clear, non-gendered voice, neither high nor low. Hearing voices is a cause for concern to a 19 year old clinical psychology student, but the voice was comforting, as a best friend’s voice is comforting when you are all alone and scared. The voice simply said “Go back.” It never repeated itself, but it was one of the clearest things I have ever heard. So I listened, and I went back.
When I went back to Sarah, I found her in tears. Even though she was crying she looked more beautiful to me than ever before. I could see that she loved me and that she was very sad at the thought of losing me, even though I was the one in the wrong. She hugged me and we talked for hours with a million apologies on both sides. I believe that I heard the voice of God that night.
After all our years together, I finally understand why the voice sent me back. God could have said, “Hey dummy, I’m over here.” God could have done wondrous things to prove to me that he existed. But he didn’t want to prove himself to me, he wanted me with Sarah. Over the next several years, I began to deepen my faith with Sarah. It started with prayer and then church. She taught me how faith could make sense. I learned from her (and others) that the existence of God and miracles doesn’t conflict with logic, but that logically the world could only exist through God.
What happened that night has spilled over into my entire life. First, faith makes sense; once I held God as a truth everything else seemed to fit, but without God nothing fit. Second, having a wonderful wife, family, and friends has taught me that faith deepens through relationships because each one of us holds Christ within us. Our faith becomes more powerful and understandable when we share it, rather than hide it. Third, our marital fights may be very serious, but we always know how they will end. Each of us now knows that we are meant for the other. We constantly try to lead each other to Christ because that is what it means to love someone. Sometimes we just forget and argue about dishes or the fact that I sleep all the time.
Fourth and finally, I am always listening for that voice to tell me what to do again. But what I have learned over the years is that voice now comes from within me. I have never experienced that feeling again, but I believe that God opened my heart to help me see his will more clearly. God never told me what to do, but he made the choice obvious.
Since this is probably the only time that I will ever get something "published" I just wanted to add an acknowledgement. I would like to thank God for always leading my heart with his message of love, and to my wife, Sarah, who helps me listen and interpret.
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