What's in a Name?

This week, I thought I’d share with you some words from Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta, as quoted in a beautiful book I was given by a friend at work called "Prayerfully Expecting: A Nine-Month Novena for Mothers to Be" by Donna-Marie Cooper O’Boyle. (I highly recommend it!)

“What was the Good News that Christ had come to give? That God is love. That God loves you. God loves me. That God has made you and made me for better things to love and to be loved. We are not just a number in the world. That’s why it is so wonderful to recognize the presence of that unborn child, the gift of God. The greatest gift of God to a family is the child, because it is the fruit of love.

"And we read something very beautiful in the Scripture, also, where God speaks, and He says: ‘Even if a mother could forget her child, I will not forget you. I have carved you in the palm of My hand. You are precious to me. I have called you by name.’

"That is why as soon as a child is born, we give it a name, the name God has called from all eternity—to love and be loved.”

There is so much in Mother Teresa’s words to wonder at. One thing that struck me is at the very end: that the names we choose to give our children are the very names that “God has called from all eternity.” That is amazing!

And speaking of names (since I don’t think I’ve shared them yet), Daniel and I have decided on “Charles Edward” for a boy—our fathers’ middle names put together—and “Samantha Mary” for a girl—“Samantha” just because we like it and “Mary” for a number of reasons.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Happy

I have been thinking a lot this week about how happy I am. Seriously. I am very, very happy. I have to admit that sometimes when I think about it too much I worry that I’m too happy, that I have it too good, that I haven’t struggled quite enough. I don’t know quite what to do about that worry except attempt to dismiss it with a prayer (any suggestions on that?). But what I do know is that although I can’t say that my life is 100% perfect, and there are times when I wish for more than the abundant blessings I have been given, I am always happy—even when I am momentarily sad or frustrated or angry on the surface.

The truth is that I have everything that I ever wanted for this point in my life. I remember thinking in high school that about a year or so after college would be a good time to get married, possibly to someone I would meet and date in college; I met Daniel almost as soon as I arrived on campus, and we got married one year and five days after graduating. We both already had jobs lined up for after graduation, and that very summer we purchased a house on a beautiful piece of land less than ten minutes from my parents’ house; I had always wanted to live close to my family.

I always wanted to start a family soon after getting married, and we hoped that I would get pregnant in the fall of 2009; I got pregnant in September. If you have been following my blog for a while, you know by now that I am a worry wart. So, early on when the risk of miscarriage was still very substantial, I was so afraid that because it had happened so easily, something was going to go wrong. But I am now twenty-four weeks along, and so far so good, thank God! Our plan to have me stay home to take care of our baby seems also to be working out, even if our budget will be a little tight; I always wanted to stay home with my children like my mom did and does with hers.

As you can see, everything is exactly as I would want it to be. Not everyone wants to be settled down with a home (and mortgage), husband, and family of their own at my age. But I always did. And although everything is not always picture perfect, I am always happy. The other day while I sat by myself at home just feeling my little one’s enthusiastic kicks, I sang my baby the blessing that my mom always used to sing to me and imagined blessing his forehead once he is born. And I was so overwhelmed with joy that it brought tears to my eyes. I have been so very blessed.

Snowed In

Daniel and I have spent a good part of the past week and a half at home, with our cars buried in the driveway. We have gotten nearly four feet of snow between two major snowstorms/blizzards only three days apart, and it took a while for a county plow to even make it to our road. Thankfully our power never went out, which is what I had been most worried about; I even added a fleece blanket under each of our window curtains last Friday just in case we lost heat.

Since Daniel works at a school, he was off all of last week plus Presidents’ Day, which made it pretty much a second winter break. Most days we couldn’t go anywhere, so we got to spend quite a bit of time together just the two of us—this included sleeping in every day, watching several movies, drinking plenty of tea and hot chocolate, working around the house, and being entertained by our baby’s acrobatics.

Our little one is very active and can be unquestionably felt from the outside now, which makes Daniel happy. We can even see him or her squirming around under my shirt! It really is amazing how much time we both can contentedly spend with a hand on my belly (and how much we can laugh over a flip or a double kick/punch).

In other words, although we were stuck at home for so much time, we were certainly not bored. It was surreal, as though time stopped for a week, but it was perfectly wonderful. I’m really going to miss Daniel now that he is back at work again. Of course, I know that parents around here are probably overjoyed to be sending their kids back to school after so many snow days!

Lent begins this week, and it seems to have snuck up on us. Christmas was just yesterday, wasn’t it? I still need to decide what sacrifices I will be making this year—since I am pregnant, I won’t be fasting on Ash Wednesday or Good Friday, which will be strange.

Anyways, I don’t have much else to say for now… since this is a delayed entry from last Friday, you will be hearing from me again very soon!

Words of Wisdom from St. Francis (but not really)

As a pregnant woman, I am finding that it can be easy to fall into thinking that my husband should be taking care of me by shouldering more than his “fair share” of household work. Of course, I believe that a man should show his love for his pregnant wife by understanding that she is more tired than usual, etc. and helping her where he can.

Daniel is doing an excellent job of this, yet there are times when I find myself wishing for even more, thinking that I “deserve” even more, as all of us imperfect people so often do. So, as a way of keeping myself in check I have been repeating the portion of the Peace Prayer of St. Francis (which I learned today actually originated sometime around World War I and was not written by St. Francis at all) that I have always thought was particularly applicable to marriage. I liked it so much that I even considered putting it in our wedding program, but there wasn’t space:

“…O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled
As to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved, as to love.”

That’s it for a very short entry this week. For those of you in the path of the big winter storm headed for the Mid-Atlantic and North-East today and tomorrow, stay safe and warm! I’m just crossing my fingers that we don’t lose power, and thus heat…

Quickening!

Just when you thought I couldn’t possibly have any more wedding-related news, at eight months out, I finally put the last batch of thank you cards in the mail this week! I’m terrible, I know. What remained of them after the first half was finished had been stashed in a grocery bag and moved around several times over the last few months. But they were never exactly “lost”—I knew that I wouldn’t have thrown them away, and that if I really looked for them they would turn up in about five minutes. Sure enough, that is exactly how long it took for them to be found when I woke up the other morning and decided that enough was enough. I was tired of the image of that grocery bag eating away at my mind. Some of the notes still needed to be written, some had been written back in September and sealed but had addresses that needed to be tracked down.

What a relief! And it took me only a few hours to get it out of the way for good. Procrastination, my favorite bad habit, is really a problem. I hereby resolve to send out thank you notes for baby gifts right away rather than putting it off. Of course, as a new parent I know that I’ll be much busier than I am now, so we’ll see how that goes…

Speaking of the baby, in the last week or so I have started to be able to feel him or her moving! (I’ll go with “her” this time) Sometimes it’s a little flutter that almost tickles, other times there are more distinct nudges or tiny jabs—like someone is poking me, except from the inside. It’s such a weird feeling, but an awesome one! Daniel has even been able to feel her once, although I know it is on the early side for that.

The other night a big storm was passing through, and the wind was so loud that it woke both of us up. It was 4:30 in the morning and perhaps I was being a little dramatic, but I had Daniel get his laptop and check online to make sure there were no tornado watches or warnings for our area. I was laying on my side cuddled up to Daniel after he assured me that there shouldn’t be any tornadoes to worry about, and my right arm was sort-of wedged between my stomach and his side. And I felt a jab/poke/some kind of something on my arm. Then I felt it again. So I quickly told Daniel to give me his hand, which I pushed onto my abdomen in the exact spot that I was feeling the pokes. And he felt it too! It must have been the position I was in that allowed us to feel the baby’s kicks from the outside so early, because I haven’t felt them that way since.

Anyways, it’s just a nice reassurance now that every so often the baby can make her presence known. Tonight I sat on the couch feeling a little lonely, eating my solitary dinner of Velveeta shells and cheese and canned green beans while I watched Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Oklahoma on DVD. Daniel had class after work and won’t be home until late. Suddenly a huge grin spread across my face as I was reminded that I wasn’t alone at all—my baby was kicking me again.

I’m sure that later in my pregnancy the kicks will begin to hurt and won’t be quite so enjoyable; but for now, I love it!

All the If-Only's

Throughout my life, there has always some particular thing that I was sure would be able to improve my life. For example, “If only I had bell bottom pants, everything would be better” (grade 6); “If only I had a better hair straightener” (grades 8-12); “If only I could find pants that fit me perfectly and I can afford” (middle school-college—my legs have always been too long); “If only I had a boyfriend” (grades 9-11—a little less superficial, perhaps, unless you knew my reasons for wanting one); “If only I had the money to do a semester abroad” (college)…

And the list goes on and on. You may notice that a lot of these things have to do with wishing for more money, or something that money can buy. And although I never would have put it into words this way, I realize now that I almost believed money could buy me a boyfriend. For example, if I could buy an incredible hair straightener to give me the straight hair that was so popular at the time, pants that fit me just right, and that Homecoming dress, surely some boy or other would ask me out. I should have listened more closely to the Beatles when they sang “Can’t Buy Me Love.”

Of course I found my love, and not because of what I was able to buy to attract him, but I still find myself slipping into the all-too-common mistake of thinking that money can buy happiness in some way or another. “If only we had the money to go on the ‘babymoon’ that all the pregnancy/parenting magazines and websites say is so crucial;” “If only I could afford a gym membership—that would force me to find the time to exercise;” “If only we could pay down all of our student loans today, then we could really start to save for building our new house.” Once again, the list goes on and on.

Sometimes it takes a tragedy to stop us in our tracks and remind us of how blessed we are, and of how much we have in our lives that we neither need nor deserve.

Theoretically speaking (since I am not a geologist and know nothing about the locations of the earth’s tectonic plates), what happened in Haiti could have happened here. Over the past week, Daniel and I have prayed for the Haitian people who already had so little to begin with, counted our blessings, and given what we are able. In situations like this, more money really can make life better for someone. Visit Catholic Relief Services for more information.

Multiplication

Yesterday afternoon, Daniel and I went to the doctor for another sonogram, so we got to see our baby again! We could have found out then whether it was a girl or a boy, but we decided to keep it a surprise for June.

Since it was the anatomy scan, the ultrasound technician had to check and measure a whole list of things, so it took a little while. She wasn’t able to check everything on her list, though, because our child didn’t exactly cooperate. He was in a really curled up position and refused to straighten out at all, so that the technician wasn’t able to check for correct spinal fusion or look at the chambers of the heart. So, that means that at my next appointment in four weeks, we get to have a repeat sonogram! Hopefully at that one we are able to get a better picture printout, too. This one isn’t quite as good as I was hoping for. As you can see, the baby’s face is on the left, with a big circle blob right next to it on the right… we’re not really sure what that circle is. From what I can remember seeing on the screen, I don’t think the torso did looked like that. Anyone with some technical knowledge on the subject care to share a thought?

You may have heard the saying, “Love does not divide, it only multiplies.” This has come to mind a lot recently considering where I am in my life right now. Before I met Daniel, I loved my parents and siblings more than anyone else in the world. I used to worry when I was growing up that when I met my future husband I wouldn’t love my family as much. Maybe that was a strange thing for a kid to think about, but I did.

When I fell/grew in love with Daniel, what actually happened was that I discovered a whole new kind of love. I also discovered that my own God-given capacity to love was much greater than I had previously known. I didn’t love my family any less at all. In fact, I might make the claim that in discovering a new kind of love I grew into an even greater understanding and appreciation for my family that is hard to explain and thus found myself able to love them on a deeper level. Perhaps that is also the result of simply growing in age and life experience.

Now that I am a mother, I am in the process of discovering another kind of love, one that is both the same as my love for my family yet also different. This is the first time in my life that I find myself so intensely loving a person that I have never met. (Since I am the oldest child, I did love my siblings before they were born, but that was different.)

Only God knows what this child’s future holds, what his passions and his sense of humor will be, what his voice will sound like, and even what the colors of his hair and eyes will be. All I have seen is a fuzzy black and white ultrasound, my abdomen slowly swelling, and the numbers on the scale slowly going up. I’m not yet even able to feel this child’s movements within me. But I love this little person totally and completely and I know that I always will.

And of course, I know that Daniel feels the exact same way. Because of this, I find myself loving him even more, not only as my husband and best friend but as the father of my child and partner in raising him. God has used our love for each other to bring new life into the world, and we are both bound more tightly together in our shared love for this new life.

Anyways, if all of this isn’t evidence of love multiplying, I don’t know what is!

Prayers for This New Year

I regret to inform you that this past week has not held much in the way of new and exciting things to write about. 2010 has arrived. This is the year that our first child will be born—which really is quite perfect, Daniel and I concluded the other day. Being born at the beginning of a new decade will always make it easy for this baby’s age to be quickly calculated.

Speaking of the baby, one of my New Year’s Resolutions this year (actually, it is my only one so far) is to say a Rosary for my child once a week, now before he is born and continuing afterwards. I would love for it to be something I continue as our family grows in the future. I have never been very good at my attempts at regular Rosary-praying, for example the several times I’ve made a Lenten promise to pray it daily, but I am determined to do this for my little one.

During this first week of the year, and as I look forward to Daniel’s and my own first anniversary in just a few months, my thoughts and prayers have been with those I know who will be married in 2010. We will be attending four weddings (at least that I know about at this point) this year. Daniel’s brother is getting married on March 6 in Birmingham, Alabama, which means for me lots of bathroom breaks during two 12-hour car rides at six months pregnant. But of course we are very excited. Then we have three good friends getting married later in the year: one on June 5 when I am about ready to pop, another in September, and one in October.

In addition, I just received the happy news this week that two of my good friends from college got engaged between Christmas and New Year's! Congratulations to them both! I believe both couples plan to be married in 2011, but they still fit the theme.

To all of my readers who are planning weddings in 2010, I pray that God blesses you as you prepare for this wonderful sacrament! May you keep your hearts fixed on what it is you are really preparing for: a lifetime, not just a day; and may you stay as calm and as joyful as you possibly can be. I have only been married almost eight months, but I already know that there is so much happiness in store for you!

Joy to the World!

Merry, Merry Christmas to you all! Although there was quite a bit of running around on our part, Daniel and I had a wonderful first married Christmas together. Christmas Eve was spent rushing around wrapping presents and completing other last-minute pre-Christmas tasks. For me this included finishing sewing the stockings that I was stubbornly intent on finishing in time for Daniel and me to hang them on our mantle and fill them for each other. It’s amazing that a project that seemed so simple could actually be so complicated. I ended up going to my parents’ house on Christmas Eve afternoon for my mom’s expert help in finishing the stockings quickly.

Just after that, we drove the forty minutes to Daniel’s parents’ house to spend some time with his brother and soon-to-be sister-in-law who were up from Alabama before we all rode with his parents another forty-five minutes to Daniel’s uncle’s house for a party with my father-in-law’s side of the family. A few hours there, and it was back to Daniel’s parents to get our car and drive home in time to leave again for Midnight Mass, picking up two of my sisters and my cousin at my parents’ on the way to the church.

Now, I can definitely say that I love Midnight Mass in theory. It seems like such a perfect, “Silent Night,” “It came upon a midnight clear” kind of time for Christmas Mass. However, I think I liked it much better when I was a college student who was accustomed to being up until the wee hours of the morning on a regular basis. This year I found it very difficult to keep my eyes open. I’m sure being pregnant didn’t help the situation. Luckily, being really sleepy sometimes helps me to pray (unusual, maybe?) so I didn’t find myself unable to focus. I think that next year I would much prefer to go to the eight o’clock candlelight Mass instead. Of course, with a six-month-old, we may not even really be able to do that time…

On Christmas morning Daniel and I woke up at 7:30 (to an alarm of course), prayed together before getting out of bed, then came into the living room to open our stockings and wrapped gifts from each other. Since it was just the two of us this year, it didn’t take too long. We got dressed and drove over to my parents’ at around 8:30 to have the traditional cinnamon roll Christmas breakfast with my family and then open gifts with them. This took the rest of the morning, with so many people and everyone taking turns opening gifts one at a time, and breaks for singing Taylor Swift karaoke with my sisters on Jane’s new karaoke machine, etc. After a second breakfast of hash brown casserole, scrambled eggs, and sausage links, Daniel and I headed to his parents’ for lunch and gifts with his family. A few hours there and it was back to my parents’ for a delicious Christmas dinner with my grandparents: spiral ham, potatoes, sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, and rolls.

In the past couple of days since Christmas, with a whole week off from work, my parents and Daniel and I have been in the midst of the last major remodel/construction project for this house: our master bathroom. It was so ugly and gross looking before that I have absolutely refused to even take out and use the new towels we got for our wedding until it was remodeled. It is already looking so much better, and we are not even halfway finished. I’m so excited!

Today is New Years Eve; 2009, the year we had looked forward to as our wedding year for so long, is about to be behind us. As we have for the last few years, Daniel and I will be babysitting—this is prime babysitting money night. Of course, this is the last year we will be able to do that. Who knows what kind of New Years plans we will be able to make next year when we have a baby, unless we get a babysitter ourselves (which we probably won’t, at least not next year)…

Have a blessed beginning to 2010!

Remember us, O God;
from age to age be our comforter.
You have given us the wonder of time,
blessings in days and nights, seasons and years.
Bless your children at the turning of the year
and fill the months ahead with the bright hope
that is ours in the coming of Christ.
You are our God, living and reigning, forever and ever.
Amen.

(from Catholic Household Blessings and Prayers)

Dear Diary

(Like many little girls, this is how I always began my daily entry in the little pink book with the flap that locked it closed, marked “Diary” in gold letters.)

It is 7:30 p.m., and Daniel and I are at home. We are sitting on our couch, I finishing a slice of pizza that is my dinner and reading a Grace Livingston Hill novel collection, and Daniel typing away on his laptop, working on a paper for school. A little while ago, Daniel and I baked the frozen thin crust pizza that we had picked up from the grocery store on our way home from my doctor appointment, then sang “O come, o come Emmanuel” while lighting the three Advent candles that show how near we are coming to Christmas. We quickly blew them out again since one is getting dangerously short, and carried our dinner to the coffee table to sit at the couch because our kitchen table is covered in the assortment of baking ingredients I have already assembled in preparation for making Christmas cookies this weekend.

The fir tree we spent quite some time in the freezing cold searching for before we (and by “we” I mean Daniel) sawed it down is sitting in its stand, still without a tree skirt and with boxes of ornaments sitting beneath the branches in the place of the gifts that will be there next week. The tree itself is quite perfect, other than the fact that it looks slightly crooked because of the odd angle of the trunk at the base. Once we find something to use as a skirt and fill the branches with decorations, it will hardly be noticeable. As of now, we have only a strand of 200 white lights woven through the green, twinkling cheerily.

Every so often, Daniel or I will say “I love you” or make a random funny face just until the other looks up and smiles. People might laugh or roll their eyes and say “newlyweds,” but I don’t care. This is just what we do to remember that even though we’re each doing our own thing, we’re still together. And being together is still a good thing.

It is very quiet otherwise. Daniel occasionally sighs or breathes in sharply in thought. His strikes of the keys as he types are rhythmic and soothing, at least to me. Of course, I’m not the one with a deadline tomorrow. I can hear the mantle clock ticking and the refrigerator humming. In another minute or so, all of these quiet sounds will be muffled by the furnace kicking on. It’s only 25 degrees outside tonight.

At this time next year, it certainly won’t be so quiet! Our baby will be six months old then. Of course, after bedtime it will hopefully be quiet like this. Hopefully.

In an hour or so, Daniel and I will have eggnog, the delightful beverage that helps in a very big way to make this my favorite time of the year. If Daniel is finished his paper by then, I might snuggle up next to him while we enjoy it together. Otherwise I will sip it while I read—not a bad second choice. He is so close now to being finished his school work for the semester, and then there is only one left until he has his masters’ degree! I can’t wait. Obviously, neither can Daniel.

When we finish our eggnog, provided Daniel has in fact finished his work, we will check to make sure that the tree has enough water, turn off the lights, and go to our room. We might fold some laundry… or we might not. We will get ready for bed and I will shiver while I change into pajamas and thicker socks (my feet are always freezing at night, especially in the winter), despite the fact that the space heater in our room has been turned on for an hour. But then I will climb into our warm bed and Daniel’s warm arms. And I will be content (that is, as long as I don’t think about waking up to the cold again at six tomorrow morning, or when we are going to finish the last of our Christmas shopping before next Friday, or the dinner dishes sitting unwashed in the kitchen sink). It has been a perfect December evening.