Quickening!

Just when you thought I couldn’t possibly have any more wedding-related news, at eight months out, I finally put the last batch of thank you cards in the mail this week! I’m terrible, I know. What remained of them after the first half was finished had been stashed in a grocery bag and moved around several times over the last few months. But they were never exactly “lost”—I knew that I wouldn’t have thrown them away, and that if I really looked for them they would turn up in about five minutes. Sure enough, that is exactly how long it took for them to be found when I woke up the other morning and decided that enough was enough. I was tired of the image of that grocery bag eating away at my mind. Some of the notes still needed to be written, some had been written back in September and sealed but had addresses that needed to be tracked down.

What a relief! And it took me only a few hours to get it out of the way for good. Procrastination, my favorite bad habit, is really a problem. I hereby resolve to send out thank you notes for baby gifts right away rather than putting it off. Of course, as a new parent I know that I’ll be much busier than I am now, so we’ll see how that goes…

Speaking of the baby, in the last week or so I have started to be able to feel him or her moving! (I’ll go with “her” this time) Sometimes it’s a little flutter that almost tickles, other times there are more distinct nudges or tiny jabs—like someone is poking me, except from the inside. It’s such a weird feeling, but an awesome one! Daniel has even been able to feel her once, although I know it is on the early side for that.

The other night a big storm was passing through, and the wind was so loud that it woke both of us up. It was 4:30 in the morning and perhaps I was being a little dramatic, but I had Daniel get his laptop and check online to make sure there were no tornado watches or warnings for our area. I was laying on my side cuddled up to Daniel after he assured me that there shouldn’t be any tornadoes to worry about, and my right arm was sort-of wedged between my stomach and his side. And I felt a jab/poke/some kind of something on my arm. Then I felt it again. So I quickly told Daniel to give me his hand, which I pushed onto my abdomen in the exact spot that I was feeling the pokes. And he felt it too! It must have been the position I was in that allowed us to feel the baby’s kicks from the outside so early, because I haven’t felt them that way since.

Anyways, it’s just a nice reassurance now that every so often the baby can make her presence known. Tonight I sat on the couch feeling a little lonely, eating my solitary dinner of Velveeta shells and cheese and canned green beans while I watched Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Oklahoma on DVD. Daniel had class after work and won’t be home until late. Suddenly a huge grin spread across my face as I was reminded that I wasn’t alone at all—my baby was kicking me again.

I’m sure that later in my pregnancy the kicks will begin to hurt and won’t be quite so enjoyable; but for now, I love it!

All the If-Only's

Throughout my life, there has always some particular thing that I was sure would be able to improve my life. For example, “If only I had bell bottom pants, everything would be better” (grade 6); “If only I had a better hair straightener” (grades 8-12); “If only I could find pants that fit me perfectly and I can afford” (middle school-college—my legs have always been too long); “If only I had a boyfriend” (grades 9-11—a little less superficial, perhaps, unless you knew my reasons for wanting one); “If only I had the money to do a semester abroad” (college)…

And the list goes on and on. You may notice that a lot of these things have to do with wishing for more money, or something that money can buy. And although I never would have put it into words this way, I realize now that I almost believed money could buy me a boyfriend. For example, if I could buy an incredible hair straightener to give me the straight hair that was so popular at the time, pants that fit me just right, and that Homecoming dress, surely some boy or other would ask me out. I should have listened more closely to the Beatles when they sang “Can’t Buy Me Love.”

Of course I found my love, and not because of what I was able to buy to attract him, but I still find myself slipping into the all-too-common mistake of thinking that money can buy happiness in some way or another. “If only we had the money to go on the ‘babymoon’ that all the pregnancy/parenting magazines and websites say is so crucial;” “If only I could afford a gym membership—that would force me to find the time to exercise;” “If only we could pay down all of our student loans today, then we could really start to save for building our new house.” Once again, the list goes on and on.

Sometimes it takes a tragedy to stop us in our tracks and remind us of how blessed we are, and of how much we have in our lives that we neither need nor deserve.

Theoretically speaking (since I am not a geologist and know nothing about the locations of the earth’s tectonic plates), what happened in Haiti could have happened here. Over the past week, Daniel and I have prayed for the Haitian people who already had so little to begin with, counted our blessings, and given what we are able. In situations like this, more money really can make life better for someone. Visit Catholic Relief Services for more information.

Multiplication

Yesterday afternoon, Daniel and I went to the doctor for another sonogram, so we got to see our baby again! We could have found out then whether it was a girl or a boy, but we decided to keep it a surprise for June.

Since it was the anatomy scan, the ultrasound technician had to check and measure a whole list of things, so it took a little while. She wasn’t able to check everything on her list, though, because our child didn’t exactly cooperate. He was in a really curled up position and refused to straighten out at all, so that the technician wasn’t able to check for correct spinal fusion or look at the chambers of the heart. So, that means that at my next appointment in four weeks, we get to have a repeat sonogram! Hopefully at that one we are able to get a better picture printout, too. This one isn’t quite as good as I was hoping for. As you can see, the baby’s face is on the left, with a big circle blob right next to it on the right… we’re not really sure what that circle is. From what I can remember seeing on the screen, I don’t think the torso did looked like that. Anyone with some technical knowledge on the subject care to share a thought?

You may have heard the saying, “Love does not divide, it only multiplies.” This has come to mind a lot recently considering where I am in my life right now. Before I met Daniel, I loved my parents and siblings more than anyone else in the world. I used to worry when I was growing up that when I met my future husband I wouldn’t love my family as much. Maybe that was a strange thing for a kid to think about, but I did.

When I fell/grew in love with Daniel, what actually happened was that I discovered a whole new kind of love. I also discovered that my own God-given capacity to love was much greater than I had previously known. I didn’t love my family any less at all. In fact, I might make the claim that in discovering a new kind of love I grew into an even greater understanding and appreciation for my family that is hard to explain and thus found myself able to love them on a deeper level. Perhaps that is also the result of simply growing in age and life experience.

Now that I am a mother, I am in the process of discovering another kind of love, one that is both the same as my love for my family yet also different. This is the first time in my life that I find myself so intensely loving a person that I have never met. (Since I am the oldest child, I did love my siblings before they were born, but that was different.)

Only God knows what this child’s future holds, what his passions and his sense of humor will be, what his voice will sound like, and even what the colors of his hair and eyes will be. All I have seen is a fuzzy black and white ultrasound, my abdomen slowly swelling, and the numbers on the scale slowly going up. I’m not yet even able to feel this child’s movements within me. But I love this little person totally and completely and I know that I always will.

And of course, I know that Daniel feels the exact same way. Because of this, I find myself loving him even more, not only as my husband and best friend but as the father of my child and partner in raising him. God has used our love for each other to bring new life into the world, and we are both bound more tightly together in our shared love for this new life.

Anyways, if all of this isn’t evidence of love multiplying, I don’t know what is!

Prayers for This New Year

I regret to inform you that this past week has not held much in the way of new and exciting things to write about. 2010 has arrived. This is the year that our first child will be born—which really is quite perfect, Daniel and I concluded the other day. Being born at the beginning of a new decade will always make it easy for this baby’s age to be quickly calculated.

Speaking of the baby, one of my New Year’s Resolutions this year (actually, it is my only one so far) is to say a Rosary for my child once a week, now before he is born and continuing afterwards. I would love for it to be something I continue as our family grows in the future. I have never been very good at my attempts at regular Rosary-praying, for example the several times I’ve made a Lenten promise to pray it daily, but I am determined to do this for my little one.

During this first week of the year, and as I look forward to Daniel’s and my own first anniversary in just a few months, my thoughts and prayers have been with those I know who will be married in 2010. We will be attending four weddings (at least that I know about at this point) this year. Daniel’s brother is getting married on March 6 in Birmingham, Alabama, which means for me lots of bathroom breaks during two 12-hour car rides at six months pregnant. But of course we are very excited. Then we have three good friends getting married later in the year: one on June 5 when I am about ready to pop, another in September, and one in October.

In addition, I just received the happy news this week that two of my good friends from college got engaged between Christmas and New Year's! Congratulations to them both! I believe both couples plan to be married in 2011, but they still fit the theme.

To all of my readers who are planning weddings in 2010, I pray that God blesses you as you prepare for this wonderful sacrament! May you keep your hearts fixed on what it is you are really preparing for: a lifetime, not just a day; and may you stay as calm and as joyful as you possibly can be. I have only been married almost eight months, but I already know that there is so much happiness in store for you!

Joy to the World!

Merry, Merry Christmas to you all! Although there was quite a bit of running around on our part, Daniel and I had a wonderful first married Christmas together. Christmas Eve was spent rushing around wrapping presents and completing other last-minute pre-Christmas tasks. For me this included finishing sewing the stockings that I was stubbornly intent on finishing in time for Daniel and me to hang them on our mantle and fill them for each other. It’s amazing that a project that seemed so simple could actually be so complicated. I ended up going to my parents’ house on Christmas Eve afternoon for my mom’s expert help in finishing the stockings quickly.

Just after that, we drove the forty minutes to Daniel’s parents’ house to spend some time with his brother and soon-to-be sister-in-law who were up from Alabama before we all rode with his parents another forty-five minutes to Daniel’s uncle’s house for a party with my father-in-law’s side of the family. A few hours there, and it was back to Daniel’s parents to get our car and drive home in time to leave again for Midnight Mass, picking up two of my sisters and my cousin at my parents’ on the way to the church.

Now, I can definitely say that I love Midnight Mass in theory. It seems like such a perfect, “Silent Night,” “It came upon a midnight clear” kind of time for Christmas Mass. However, I think I liked it much better when I was a college student who was accustomed to being up until the wee hours of the morning on a regular basis. This year I found it very difficult to keep my eyes open. I’m sure being pregnant didn’t help the situation. Luckily, being really sleepy sometimes helps me to pray (unusual, maybe?) so I didn’t find myself unable to focus. I think that next year I would much prefer to go to the eight o’clock candlelight Mass instead. Of course, with a six-month-old, we may not even really be able to do that time…

On Christmas morning Daniel and I woke up at 7:30 (to an alarm of course), prayed together before getting out of bed, then came into the living room to open our stockings and wrapped gifts from each other. Since it was just the two of us this year, it didn’t take too long. We got dressed and drove over to my parents’ at around 8:30 to have the traditional cinnamon roll Christmas breakfast with my family and then open gifts with them. This took the rest of the morning, with so many people and everyone taking turns opening gifts one at a time, and breaks for singing Taylor Swift karaoke with my sisters on Jane’s new karaoke machine, etc. After a second breakfast of hash brown casserole, scrambled eggs, and sausage links, Daniel and I headed to his parents’ for lunch and gifts with his family. A few hours there and it was back to my parents’ for a delicious Christmas dinner with my grandparents: spiral ham, potatoes, sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, and rolls.

In the past couple of days since Christmas, with a whole week off from work, my parents and Daniel and I have been in the midst of the last major remodel/construction project for this house: our master bathroom. It was so ugly and gross looking before that I have absolutely refused to even take out and use the new towels we got for our wedding until it was remodeled. It is already looking so much better, and we are not even halfway finished. I’m so excited!

Today is New Years Eve; 2009, the year we had looked forward to as our wedding year for so long, is about to be behind us. As we have for the last few years, Daniel and I will be babysitting—this is prime babysitting money night. Of course, this is the last year we will be able to do that. Who knows what kind of New Years plans we will be able to make next year when we have a baby, unless we get a babysitter ourselves (which we probably won’t, at least not next year)…

Have a blessed beginning to 2010!

Remember us, O God;
from age to age be our comforter.
You have given us the wonder of time,
blessings in days and nights, seasons and years.
Bless your children at the turning of the year
and fill the months ahead with the bright hope
that is ours in the coming of Christ.
You are our God, living and reigning, forever and ever.
Amen.

(from Catholic Household Blessings and Prayers)

Dear Diary

(Like many little girls, this is how I always began my daily entry in the little pink book with the flap that locked it closed, marked “Diary” in gold letters.)

It is 7:30 p.m., and Daniel and I are at home. We are sitting on our couch, I finishing a slice of pizza that is my dinner and reading a Grace Livingston Hill novel collection, and Daniel typing away on his laptop, working on a paper for school. A little while ago, Daniel and I baked the frozen thin crust pizza that we had picked up from the grocery store on our way home from my doctor appointment, then sang “O come, o come Emmanuel” while lighting the three Advent candles that show how near we are coming to Christmas. We quickly blew them out again since one is getting dangerously short, and carried our dinner to the coffee table to sit at the couch because our kitchen table is covered in the assortment of baking ingredients I have already assembled in preparation for making Christmas cookies this weekend.

The fir tree we spent quite some time in the freezing cold searching for before we (and by “we” I mean Daniel) sawed it down is sitting in its stand, still without a tree skirt and with boxes of ornaments sitting beneath the branches in the place of the gifts that will be there next week. The tree itself is quite perfect, other than the fact that it looks slightly crooked because of the odd angle of the trunk at the base. Once we find something to use as a skirt and fill the branches with decorations, it will hardly be noticeable. As of now, we have only a strand of 200 white lights woven through the green, twinkling cheerily.

Every so often, Daniel or I will say “I love you” or make a random funny face just until the other looks up and smiles. People might laugh or roll their eyes and say “newlyweds,” but I don’t care. This is just what we do to remember that even though we’re each doing our own thing, we’re still together. And being together is still a good thing.

It is very quiet otherwise. Daniel occasionally sighs or breathes in sharply in thought. His strikes of the keys as he types are rhythmic and soothing, at least to me. Of course, I’m not the one with a deadline tomorrow. I can hear the mantle clock ticking and the refrigerator humming. In another minute or so, all of these quiet sounds will be muffled by the furnace kicking on. It’s only 25 degrees outside tonight.

At this time next year, it certainly won’t be so quiet! Our baby will be six months old then. Of course, after bedtime it will hopefully be quiet like this. Hopefully.

In an hour or so, Daniel and I will have eggnog, the delightful beverage that helps in a very big way to make this my favorite time of the year. If Daniel is finished his paper by then, I might snuggle up next to him while we enjoy it together. Otherwise I will sip it while I read—not a bad second choice. He is so close now to being finished his school work for the semester, and then there is only one left until he has his masters’ degree! I can’t wait. Obviously, neither can Daniel.

When we finish our eggnog, provided Daniel has in fact finished his work, we will check to make sure that the tree has enough water, turn off the lights, and go to our room. We might fold some laundry… or we might not. We will get ready for bed and I will shiver while I change into pajamas and thicker socks (my feet are always freezing at night, especially in the winter), despite the fact that the space heater in our room has been turned on for an hour. But then I will climb into our warm bed and Daniel’s warm arms. And I will be content (that is, as long as I don’t think about waking up to the cold again at six tomorrow morning, or when we are going to finish the last of our Christmas shopping before next Friday, or the dinner dishes sitting unwashed in the kitchen sink). It has been a perfect December evening.

The Switch

My switch to working part-time finally came! This is my first week of commuting into D.C. only one day, and I love it. I am feeling well-rested and way less stressed, both of which help with the “morning sickness” that still seems to be hanging on for dear life.

Although I can never accomplish quite as much as my ambitious to-do lists say I should, the house looks so much better than it did when I was working over-time. I’ve made a couple of trips to the bank and the post office while they were actually open (amazing) and I’ve taken the time to sleep in and then leisurely read a book while eating my breakfast. While I haven’t actually taken a nap yet, I love knowing that if I wanted to I could. And that would be okay, because I need my rest—it’s good for the baby! I should enjoy it while I can, I know; it will be much different once she is born.

One thing that is a real treat in itself is being able to open the curtains and let the beautiful sunshine in when I am up for the day, since I used to leave for work while the sun was just rising and arrive home long after it had set, at least at this time of year.

On most days Daniel gets home around five, so he and I have a couple more hours together than we would if I was still working full-time (I would get home close to seven). As soon as I feel better and cooking smells stop bothering me so much, I’m looking forward to being able to make delicious dinners that can be ready (or at least almost ready) when he gets home. For now, we’re eating two different things on most nights—Daniel eats whatever he can find to make for one person, and I eat whatever sounds “the least gross” after searching the fridge and the pantry off and on for about fifteen minutes.

Long story short, life is pretty good. Daniel has a lot of work to do to finish up his semester with grad school (after this, he only has one left!), but he is so close to being done! I’m in the process of getting used to spending a lot of time by myself, which can be a little lonely, but is good for me I think. I still need to work on finding a good routine. I now have time for quiet, personal prayer and relaxation that I didn’t have before, and I talk to the baby even though her ears aren’t quite developed enough to hear my voice. If I remember correctly, her ears will be developed soon. And I can’t wait until I am able to feel her moving—I know she’s doing a lot of it, at least according to my last sonogram a few weeks ago!

We are now well into Advent, and Christmas is only a couple of weeks away. Daniel and I are still working on our Christmas shopping and firming up our plans for Christmas Eve and Christmas day. We plan to pick out a tree this weekend, although we haven’t decided for sure whether we are going to choose one from a tree farm or buy one that is pre-cut. I can’t wait to decorate! From the beginning, I have been determined to sew stockings rather than buy them, so last weekend Daniel and I spent an hour at the fabric store deciding on material (who knew it could take so long). I think sewing them will be a project for next week while I am at home—we’ll see how well that goes… I’m not as good of a seamstress as my mom is!

I hope you all continue to have a blessed Advent season as we prepare both our hearts and our homes for the celebration of His birth!

Thanksgiving Traditions

I hope that you all had wonderful Thanksgiving celebrations with you families! Daniel and I certainly did. It turned out that I was able to eat pretty much every dish, despite my worries about feeling sick beforehand. Apparently it’s just chicken that bothers me—turkey’s great! This was a discovery I was very relieved to make.

As is the tradition, my aunt, uncle, and eight cousins from Ohio came down to my parents’ house, and the two oldest who are closest to my age slept at our house. So did Marie, and the five of us (Daniel, Marie, cousins Rose and Therese, and me) spent our evenings playing Rock Band—we are such awesome grown-ups!

On Thanksgiving Day 22 people, aged two to eighty, ate turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, sweet potato casserole, etc. at three tables in my parents’ dining and living rooms. After dinner, Daniel and I drove the 45 minutes to his parents’ house for pie and eggnog with his family. Daniel’s grandparents and one of his sisters and her boyfriend were there for dinner, but unfortunately had to leave almost immediately after we arrived. So, we had dessert with his parents alone, but it was still nice—and of course, still delicious!

Thus Daniel and I had our first married Thanksgiving, and it was wonderful being able to share it all with each other. Since our families live near one another, not much had to change in the way of traditions.

It was strange (wonderful, of course, but still strange) to think about what Thanksgiving will be like next year, when we will have a five and a half month old baby to be taking care of. Will anything have to change in our traditions then? There certainly won’t be late-night Rock Band tours in our living room, which is adjacent to the soon-to-be nursery. That’s really not such a big deal, but what about in years to come? Will there come a time in the not-too-distant future when my family from Ohio stops coming to Maryland for Thanksgiving, which is often the only time during the year that we see them?

When more of my siblings and cousins get married and have kids (I am the very first), it would only make sense for things to have to change. I’m reminded of the Johnson & Johnson commercial that says, “Having a baby changes everything.” I’m sure that having a baby will be every bit worth it and will mostly change things for the better, but there are some things that I just don’t want to change. Like the close friendship that my siblings and I have always shared with the cousins we usually only are able to see once a year. If Thanksgiving traditions change, what happens then?

Can anyone who has already experienced this kind of inevitable (it seems) changing of traditions share some words of encouragement/advice/reassurance? I’d really appreciate it. Being the third oldest of the 29 of my grandparents’ grandchildren on one side of the family and the oldest of my parents’ seven children makes this all new territory for me.

Drum roll please…

I have an exciting announcement for you all this week, one that I have been just dying to write about for weeks because it is all I can think about: Daniel and I are parents! I’m having a baby!!

I must admit that I’m really not enjoying this first trimester of pregnancy, but that’s just not that important—obviously, Daniel and I are both ridiculously excited and happy. I am overwhelmed by the fact that there is, right now, a tiny, brand new human being growing inside of me with its own unique, made-to-live-forever soul! God is so good!

My due date is June 9th, so right now I am eleven weeks along. On Monday of last week I had my first sonogram, which was incredible. The baby really looked like a baby, even at only nine weeks, and we got to see him or her move around, waving one of his arms and wiggling his lower half (for the sake of not getting wordy/awkward, I’ll use masculine pronouns this time, and switch off between the two for other entries). I never knew such a tiny little thing could be so darn cute! We also got to hear his little heartbeat, which is so much faster than mine.

I have another doctor’s appointment this afternoon, which isn’t going to be nearly so fun (in fact, I’m pretty sure it will not be fun at all). I wish I could have a sonogram every time! As far as I know, we won’t have another until around 20 weeks, when they’ll be able to tell the sex of the baby. That will be in January, I think. We haven’t decided for sure yet whether we want to find out or let it be a surprise…

Anyway, please pray for all three of us! I hope you enjoyed our good news—I sure enjoyed writing it. :)

Love and Life in the Divine Plan

What is marriage, really? This week, the bishops of the United States voted to approve the release of their new pastoral letter on marriage called “Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan.” This message from the bishops is so important today because of all the challenges and or threats to the institution of marriage. In their own words, “Our pastoral letter is an invitation to discover, or perhaps rediscover, the blessing given when God first established marriage as a natural institution and when Christ restored and elevated it as a sacramental sign of salvation.” After all, “God himself is the author of marriage.” Not us.

Here’s the gist of what the Church believes marriage to be, as authored by God and explained by our bishops.

· It is an institution created by God
· It is an indissoluble bond
· It is established by mutual consent
· It is a “lifelong partnership… of mutual and exclusive fidelity”
· It is an exclusive partnership between one man and one woman, who are complementary in their two distinct ways of being human
· It is a “unique communion of persons” through the mutual self-giving of conjugal love
· It is meant to image and point to Christ’s love for the Church
· It is ordered towards two equally important ends: the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of children

One of my favorite quotes from the letter is this: “The love that is as strong as death is the love that prays and praises, caught up into divine love.” The idea that love can be “as strong as death” is an intense concept. This sentence says that love is this strong when it “prays and praises,” placing love and service of God at the forefront of married love. In my last entry, I cited Antoine de Saint-Exupery’s words: “Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward in the same direction.” If that looking in the same direction means looking towards the cross of Christ, then married love can be “as strong as death,” caught up in the divine love which is itself stronger than death. Such a beautiful thought!

The bishops then go on to talk about several “fundamental challenges to the nature and purposes of marriage” today, which include: contraception, same-sex unions (by the way, way to go people of Maine!), divorce, and cohabitation.

All of these challenges can be seen as stemming from original sin, which harmed the original communion intended for marriage; but Jesus restored the institution by raising it to the dignity of a sacrament. Because I just can’t say it any better, I quote a paragraph from the bishops about this:

“In restoring to marriage its original meaning and beauty, Jesus proclaims what the Creator meant marriage to be ‘in the beginning.’ He does so because marriage will be made into the visible embodiment of his love for the Church. In his espousal of the Church as his Bride, he fulfills and elevates marriage. He reveals his own love’to the end’ (Jn 13:1) as the purest and deepest love, the perfection of all love. In doing this he reveals the deepest meaning of all marital love: self-giving love modeled on God’s inner life and love.”

In marriage, Daniel and I are called to give ourselves to each other as fully as Christ gave himself to the Church. That’s a pretty tall order. If every married couple and every single or engaged person discerning marriage were to read this letter and make this a goal in their own marriages, that would be pretty amazing! I’m reminded of Mahatma Gandhi’s suggestion (here I go with another quote) to “be the change you want to see in the world.”

Daniel and I can work towards loving as Christ loves through self-gift every day, even when it isn’t easy, and thus be the change that we (and the bishops) want to see in the world.