Friday, October 3, 2008

Premarital Stress



Everybody gets stressed. I've always heard about how stressful wedding planning is for most people to begin with, but for us planning the wedding itself actually hasn't been too bad-- yet. It’s everything else that’s getting to us.

We graduated on May 11. On May 27 we both started work on the same day, at the jobs that we had lined up since early April. Back in March, we had "stumbled across" our dream property, located less than ten minutes from my family's house. It was a mobile home on a permanent foundation on two acres of land overlooking a pond, and it was the perfect place for us to build a new home a few years down the road. We made an offer (the first of a few) the day after graduation, and became homeowners on July 31st.One of my roommates from college (Caroline, whom I've mentioned before) moved in with me. She and I also work together, and commute together—an hour and a half each way.

We have done a lot to fix up the house—and by “we” I mean mostly Daniel. My parents have also helped tons since they have a lot of experience (understatement) with home improvement projects. Walls have been ripped out, floors have been replaced, and one of our bathrooms has been completely redone. We’re getting all our windows replaced within the next couple of weeks; we already bought them and they’re waiting in the shed for now. It’s a work in progress, so Caroline and I are currently living in somewhat of a construction zone with unpacked boxes and piles of stuff everywhere.

Meanwhile, until the wedding Daniel is still living at his parents' house, which is about 45 minutes away. He visits on the weekends. We work on the house and he studies—oh right, that’s another thing. Daniel just started grad school, so he’s taking four night classes this semester while working full time. All of this while planning a wedding. I’m sure you can imagine all the silly little fights all this can lead to…

That’s the gist of it. You might think we’re crazy for doing all of this at once, or maybe you don’t actually think our load is too bad. Maybe you’ve been through more. I think it’s safe to say that we’re working pretty hard to do everything we have to do, but sometimes it’s hard to make sure we have time to relax and have fun together, which is obviously pretty important when preparing for marriage (and of course within marriage), right? We’re banking on the fact that Daniel will be finished with grad school one year after we’re married, and by then other things will have settled down. Hopefully. We’re doing what we can, and honestly, most of the time it’s not so bad. We always have some time to relax, and we make sure to pray together every night, even if it’s over the phone. Other advice on how to hold everything together, anyone?

3 comments:

TL. said...

You might think we’re crazy for doing all of this at once, or maybe you don’t actually think our load is too bad. Maybe you’ve been through more. I think it’s safe to say that we’re working pretty hard to do everything we have to do, but sometimes it’s hard to make sure we have time to relax and have fun together


My advice would be: don't worry too much about other people's opinion..
You have every right to find it difficult and frustrating!!
what I would find difficult in your life is the long commute...good luck with that!
no specific advice about wedding prep.
I admire that you get to pray every night with your boyfriend.
We pray together every now and then, like twice or three times a week, but we are both quite shy and personal about faith so we keep private time too.
Also I found your blog through "foryourwedding.org" so I guess you follow their advices. A few days ago it was about communication: if you spend 15 min every day talking about something that is not practical(like shopping list) or problem solving(like wedding preparation) then your couple is in good shape.:)
My boyfriend and I both work on computers and we "chat" not a lot but I log in, he logs in and every now and then we exchange a few lines about fun or serious stuff, this way we can talk about many things in the evening :)
Also I work week ends so we make an effort to have breakfast together on saturday mornings, it's very sweet :)

Anonymous said...

I can completely identify with what you guys are going through. I am also 22 and engaged to be married next September. We bought our home in late March, and thankfully it is a new home so the home "fix-it" projects are pretty limited to painting and hanging pictures. We are trying to plan a wedding for about 280 people, I am taking classes at night to finish my degree, my fiancee has JUST finished his degree and I own a real estate company with my parents. I often travel with work and my schedule is never set. To add to our stress we decided to adopt a puppy who is adorable but a handful. With all the stress in our lives we have grown closer than ever during this time. Communication has been what has made our relationship stronger. Not just talking- but listening as well. No matter how rushed, busy, or tired we might be we always sit down together at night and talk about even the small things that happened during the day. I also heard on the radio that four hugs a day is all that's needed for a successful marriage...not sure but I guess it couldn't hurt either :)

Michael said...

A priest once told me never raise your voice to your wife unless the house is on fire and always say I love you before you hang up the phone.

Good luck with your wedding
God Bless
Mike
1Peter 5:7