Christmas Plans

This Thanksgiving was the first that Daniel and I spent together, and this Christmas will be the first time that we go to Christmas Mass together. I’m so excited—number one, because I love Christmas Mass (especially on Christmas Eve night, which is when we’re going), and number two, because Daniel and I get to be together!

After Mass, though, Daniel will drive back home to his parents’ house where he will spend Christmas day. I will be sleeping at my parents’ house for what will be my last Christmas morning with my family. I know, of course, that Daniel and I will see my family on Christmas after we’re married, but it obviously won’t be the same.

Christmas mornings at my parents’ house are always so fun, especially since I have siblings who are still little. I’m so excited for some day when Daniel and I can make Christmas as wonderful for our children as my parents have always made it for me and my sisters and brothers.

In other news, I ordered my veil (beautiful mantilla style) and my shoes this week! Also, my cousin Catherine makes jewelry, so I have a custom-designed necklace, bracelet, and earrings that she finished making and put in the mail for me the other day. I can’t wait for everything to get here so that I can try on my whole ensemble!

So much going on...

Now for the updates I promised you. The weekend before Thanksgiving, Daniel and I began marriage prep by meeting with our sponsor couple for the first time. We were at the couple’s house for about an hour and a half. This first session was basically to meet and get to know each other so that we can feel comfortable in the following sessions. In the car on the way over, Daniel and I were joking about how we would have to take a test to make sure we were allowed to get married. This ended up being partially true!

We completed a questionnaire, separately, that is supposed to bring to light any issues we may not have talked about before. The test is called the FOCCUS Inventory (Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding and Study), and our answer sheets are being sent to the archdiocese so that we can find out our results! There were about 150 questions that had to be answered “Agree,” “Disagree,” or “Uncertain,” for example, “We are in agreement about how we will make financial decisions between us” or “There are qualities about my future spouse that I do not respect.” I tend to think that Daniel and I will have the same answers on almost every question; since we’ve been together for over four years, I feel like we know each other very well and have talked about pretty much everything. But I guess we’ll see! Next time we meet with our sponsor couple, which will be after Christmas, they’ll have our results for us.

We will also be taking a Natural Family Planning class with a Couple to Couple League teaching couple that lives near me, starting sometime in January. I will be writing a column for CCL’s magazine Family Foundations that will follow my experience with the series of three classes, starting with their March/April issue. If you happen to get that magazine, you can watch for me!

So the other day, with Caroline’s help, I brainstormed a list and realized how much I still have to do in the next five months, including but definitely not limited to:

- Meet with potential photographer
- Meet with potential deejay
- Figure out flowers
- Finalize guest list
- Send out Save the Date’s
- Pick out bridesmaid dresses
- Buy wedding bands
- Figure out cake
- Choose readers, gift bearers, Eucharistic ministers, etc. for Mass
- Register for gifts…

And the list goes on! Last week I mailed requests to the churches where Daniel and I were baptized for official copies of our baptismal certificates, so at least that’s one thing out of the way. The day after New Year’s we plan to apply for our marriage license and for our passports. The wedding keeps inching closer, and a lot faster than I thought it would!

Will You Marry Me?

I was expecting a proposal the summer of 2007. In the meantime, I would daydream about what Daniel might be planning and look at rings online when I was supposed to be writing papers.

One week in the middle of April that year, Daniel (a psychology major) asked me to go with him to a “Careers in Psychology” presentation in one of the auditoriums on campus. This didn’t seem unusual to me, since I had gone to one on “Careers in Communications” earlier in the semester. The presentation would be on Friday afternoon, and I wasn’t thrilled to be going with him. He insisted, though, saying that he really wanted me to hear the presentation, since his career would also affect me. I wasn’t totally convinced, but I agreed to go—Daniel had the idea that we could go out for ice cream at Friendly’s afterwards, so that put me in a pretty good mood. It was a beautiful day, and when it was time for the presentation I sang “I’m Alright” by Jo Dee Messina as we walked across campus.

When we got to the auditorium, no one else was there yet. I thought Daniel had gotten the auditorium wrong, and was about to turn around to go back out the door when I froze. Projected on the wall in the front of the room was a picture of me and Daniel from our freshman year. “Daniel, why is someone looking at a picture of us on there?” That particular picture was part of a photo album I had on Facebook, so I thought that’s where it came from. It was eerie, like I was part of a Twilight Zone episode or something—I’m sure you know the feeling.

Daniel led me to a row right in the middle of the auditorium and told me to sit down, and he walked down the steps to the front, where the laptop computer was set up. After a few minutes of technical difficulties (during which another couple walked in and was told by a flustered Daniel to leave because whatever event they were looking for was clearly somewhere else), a slideshow started.

Three songs played (“Accidentally In Love” by Counting Crows, “Lifesong” by Casting Crowns, and then “Everything I Do” by Bryan Adams) while various photos from throughout our relationship appeared one by one. Every time a distinctly seasonal picture would show up on the wall, such as the two of us bundled up with snow falling, Daniel would say, “It’s winter,” or “Look, it’s fall.” I figured I knew what he was doing, but I kept second-guessing myself for some reason or another.

As the last song was nearing its end and a sunrise over the Atlantic Ocean took its turn on the wall, Daniel said, “Look, it’s summer. Sarah, what happens in summer?” I was scared, which is something I definitely didn’t expect. I had known for a long time that I wanted to marry Daniel, and there was not a doubt in my mind. But I was scared anyway. It was really and truly happening. Right then.

Daniel got down on one knee and pulled a small box out of his pocket. “Sarah C— B—, I love you, and I will always love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” I wasn’t crying. I always thought that I would cry. “Will you marry me?” He opened the box and put the most beautiful diamond ring on my finger (with the words “In Christ” engraved inside the band). And even though my heart and mind were both racing, I had thought about this moment enough to know what I wanted to say. So I said “yes.”

And then we went out for ice cream with our friends, as if the day needed to be any more perfect.

Check in next week for miscellaneous updates!

Talking About Forever

Over Christmas break that year, Daniel and I would talk every night on AOL instant messenger, rather than on the phone. (I’m not really sure why) One night, out of the blue, Daniel typed:

“You know what I’ve been thinking a lot about lately?”

“What?”

“Marrying you and if it would work.”

There was a long pause as I tried to figure out how to respond. I wasn’t freaked out or anything—after all, I had been thinking about it, too. I ended up replying with, “Oh really? And what have you come up with?”

“Well, I think we would both want at least four kids, am I right?” And he went on from there to mention raising our potential family Catholic, the fact that we were obviously attracted to each other, etc. I agreed with everything he said, typing short responses in between what he said with a huge grin on my face.

Daniel was sure to explain that he certainly wasn’t anywhere near making that kind of a commitment right now (after all, we had just met a few months before), but that he saw it as a possibility. I assured him that we were on the same page, and that was that.

After that conversation, a whole lot more “if we get married” statements would find their way into our days together. At some point, the “if”s turned into “when”s—I’m very sorry that I can’t remember more details on how exactly this transition happened. The point is that it happened.

And somewhere along the way Daniel asked me to marry him, in a half-joking, half-serious kind of way. I told him yes. And he kept asking, over and over again for the next couple of years—each time with a little more serious and a little less joking, but we both knew that “the real thing” wouldn’t come for a while. We joked about how we were “engaged to be engaged.”

Of course, as time went by we were growing more and more certain of our love for each other and our desire to be married someday. We couldn’t wait to get engaged so that our plans would be “for real.” By the time 2007 rolled around, Daniel told me that I could expect a proposal sometime that summer…

That will be a perfect story for next time. Have a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving, everyone!

"I Love You"

My friend Caroline and her boyfriend recently said “I love you” to each other for the first time, and I am so happy that she is happy. Hearing her story got me thinking (and her wondering) about the first time Daniel and I said “I love you,” and when we started talking about the possibility of marrying each other.

The first thing Daniel said about marriage happened after we had been dating only a couple of weeks. It was a silly “if” statement he made as he was getting up to turn on the tiny television I had in my dorm room. It was something along the lines of, “If we get married, we are getting a big flat-screen TV.” I think I responded with, “Oh really?” and that was the end of that.

I am the one who said “I love you” first, which I really didn’t plan on doing. We were relaxing in my dorm room and my roommate at the time, Maria, left to go down the hall. I was laying my head on Daniel’s shoulder and we were holding hands. We were quiet, and I don’t remember what we had been talking about before, but apparently it had gotten me thinking. After a couple of minutes, I took a deep breath and said, “I have something I want to tell you, but I’m scared to.”

“What is it?” Daniel asked. I deliberately kept my gaze fixed across the room. My heart was pounding. Another minute went by.

“Well…” I said, in barely more than a whisper. “I just wanted to tell you… that I love you.” I still didn’t look at him, and what felt like forever passed by in silence before Daniel said quietly, “I love you, too.” Letting out the breath I had been holding, I sat up quickly to look at him.

“Really??”

“Really,” he smiled. “How long have you been wanting to say that?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know,” I said. “A while. But I didn’t want to say it so soon.”

“Me either,” Daniel replied. “That was brave of you. I was planning on saying it at Christmas.”

It was the middle of October. We had only been dating about a month and a half. Shocking, believe me I know! I didn’t tell anyone for a while, and I don’t think my parents knew that I loved him until a long time after that. All I know is that I didn’t want anyone to tell me I said it too soon. I knew it was probably too soon, and today I would probably tell any eighteen-year-old who “fell in love” within two months of meeting someone that they were crazy. But I knew that I loved him. I just knew. As far as I was concerned, there was no point in waiting. Luckily for me, Daniel felt the same way. And luckily for both of us, we didn’t get it wrong.The subject of marriage wouldn’t be seriously brought up at all for a couple more months…

Family #2

As I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned before, Daniel and I are opposite bookends in our families—I am the oldest of seven, and he is the youngest of five. Both large families, but very different in the sense that all of Daniel’s siblings are grown and out of the house, some of them with families of their own, while all of my siblings are still at home (with Marie at college for parts of the year). My parents are a good number of years younger than Daniel’s parents, too; they practically grew up in different generations.

Daniel’s parents were also married and started having children young, soon after graduating from high school. His Dad worked nights and his Mom worked days so that there would be someone at home with the kids. Daniel was born with four older siblings waiting for him—two sisters around ten and eleven years old at the time (I’m not 100% sure that’s right…), one five-year-old brother, and a two-year-old sister.

As the youngest child, Daniel (or “Danny” as he was and is called by his family) was the one being taken care of, just like I helped to take care of my younger siblings. He also had a role model in his older brother, which is something I never experienced. When Daniel was little, he always wanted to do everything his brother could do, which was often difficult since he was five years younger. From a very young age, Daniel was playing video games, watching TV, and reading comic books right along with his brother. In the meantime, somewhere not too far away, I was playing dress-up and dolls and getting my nose stuck in books that were above my reading level. Sometimes I imagine what Daniel and I would have thought of each other if we had met when we were little kids—we were two very different children!

When Daniel was starting high school, his family moved from the small house in the neighborhood that had clearly gone downhill since his parents had moved there to a house in a rural area similar to where my parents moved. Today, Daniel’s brother is in med school in Alabama, the sister closest to our age is living in West Virginia, and his two oldest sisters are married with children and living elsewhere in Maryland. Daniel’s parents are now both retired.

Spending time at their house is extremely different from spending time at my family’s house; it’s amazing that Daniel is able to fit comfortably into both environments—he has become so much a part of my family that he now knows, at least to a certain extent, what it’s like to be at both bookends. I still only know my own, and I am not the best chameleon. I guess I still have a lot of learning to do…

It's Here!

I interrupt this family thing for an announcement (sorry, you’ll have to wait till next week to hear more about Daniel’s family): My dress came this week! And even though it’s not exactly identical to the one in the picture, it is beautiful!!!

Last Saturday, I received the email saying that the dress had been shipped, and when I entered the tracking number on the postal service’s webpage, it said they had already attempted delivery twice that day. I was having it delivered to my parents’ house, thinking that it would be delivered on a weekday when I would not be home to get the package. No one was at my parents’ house, so they took the package back to the post office. I was so disappointed that I missed it; I could have had my dress already and known whether it looked like it was supposed to look.

Caroline and I were driving home from work on Tuesday when I called home to see if the dress had been delivered yet, but apparently it hadn’t (there was no package on the front porch, which was where I had specified it should be left). A little while later, my Mom called to tell me that it was in an envelope in the mailbox! I was shocked, and really worried. What in the world was a dress that was shipped in an envelope and shoved into a mailbox going to look like?

When I got home, I rushed over to the elementary school to vote, then over to my parents’ house to get my dress. The envelope was much bigger than I had been imagining, and was very padded. Inside the envelope was a clear plastic pouch, and inside that was the dress. At first it looked funny, but I realized that it was inside out. Once I had it fixed the right way and held it up, I already felt better. The lace was different from the picture, but not worse.

To figure out the rest, I had to try it on, so I ran up to my sisters’ bedroom in the attic where there was a nice full length mirror. My sisters Jane and Annie came with me. The dress fit almost perfectly—the only issue is that the sleeves are a little tight on my shoulders and feel sharp where they rub on my skin. My Mom and I are going to try to loosen them somehow.

When I got home later, my friend Lauren came over to see the dress so I had to put it on again (such a chore). Then, when Caroline got home I had to try it on one more time. This time, I kept it on for a while to stand in the mirror and admire how beautiful it was! It’s just the dress I’ve always wanted, and I actually got it for only $180 from somebody in China off of ebay, and to top it all off it got here in an envelope in my parents’ mailbox!! Who needs expensive bridal shops? I really wasn’t expecting too much, so I am thrilled with the way it turned out! And of course, I can’t wait to wear it. I would post a picture, but then Daniel would see me in my dress before the wedding, and I told him he could only see the dress on the hanger until then!

My Family

So let’s go back to the family thing, shall we? This week I want to talk some more about my family, and next week I’ll talk about Daniel’s family.

My parents were married young and I was born when they were both nineteen. My Mom stayed home with me while my Dad worked and continued to take college classes. From the very beginning, I was baptized and raised Catholic. I think I mentioned before that my Dad was not Catholic for most of my childhood, but we always went to Sunday Mass as a family. When I was little, I actually thought that it was the father’s job to stay back from Communion to save his family’s seats! (I don’t know why it never occurred to me that other fathers left their seats unattended).

My sister Marie was born when I was two and a half, Rose when I was six (the first I was old enough to remember later), and Jane when I was eight. In the summer of 1998 we moved from the townhouse we had lived in for ten years; my parents were having a big house built “in the country.” My Dad was his own general contractor, and he and my Mom did much of the work themselves.

That same summer my next sister, Annie, was born. For almost six months, we lived with my grandparents. Then, just before Christmas, we planned to “camp out” at our new house for a whole weekend to get more work done, but we didn’t sleep at my grandparents’ house another night. We stayed in our new house from then on, even though it was not finished by any stretch of the imagination. There has been constant work being done ever since—it has now been almost ten years, and the house certainly has come a very long way!

Apparently my family really needed all that new space, because it was not done growing. When I was a freshman in high school we found out that my Mom was pregnant again, and that spring my first brother was born: Paul! That brings us up to 2001. I finished high school and started college, and this is the family that Daniel met in the fall of 2004: my still young parents, four little sisters (aged fifteen, eleven, nine, and six) and a three-year old little brother.

Daniel always says that when he first met my family, he felt like he was in a family sitcom like “Full House”—everybody was too good, too happy. The dynamics even felt a little fake to him at first. It was “too perfect” somehow. Well, Daniel has now been around enough during the past four years to know that my family is far from fake, and far from perfect. But I think I sort of understand what he was feeling at first; I have always felt that there was something special about my family (I know, everyone says that, right?). There’s so much love and so much fun and silliness in my family—it’s never boring. And I guess being the oldest, I have always been very proud and protective of all of my younger siblings, similar to how a parent feels about their children, although not to the same extent. And because my parents were married so young and have been through so much since then, I have also always been very proud of them. Next to Daniel, my family are my best friends.

Now you have the context for the news we got in February 2007. Daniel and I were home for my sister Rose’s fourteenth birthday when we learned that my Mom would be having yet another baby. I was twenty years old. Paul, the youngest at the time, was about to turn six the next week. As I’m sure you can imagine, we were all shocked.

As we sat around the dinner table with wide eyes and open mouths, Paul started to cry. I think one of my sisters did too. Daniel, being more emotionally removed, found the whole thing quite amusing. And of course, being the youngest in his family, he had never before experienced this, whereas I had five times before. He was so excited! Edward (a second boy so that Paul would have a brother) was born that August, so he is now almost fifteen months old…

On Love: Disney and the Eucharist

In our society, the concept of love is somewhat of an enigma. Either that or it’s a little bit (or a lot) twisted. From a very young age, children (girls in particular) get an impression of “love” through Disney princess movies and other fairy tales that depict falling in love as a man coming along and sweeping a young woman off her feet. I grew up on these stories, as did most of my female peers. We dressed up as Ariel, Belle, and Cinderella for Halloween (or any day of the year that we felt like it) and dreamed that “someday our prince would come.” Surely he would be handsome, strong, brave, and perfectly chivalrous—holding doors, pulling out our chairs, and giving up his princely cape (or sweatshirt) if we happened to shiver. Of course, we would instantly know beyond the shadow of a doubt that we had found our “one true love.”

There is certainly nothing wrong with chivalry; in fact, I think there should be more of it today. Daniel is very chivalrous. But it seems to me that according to most of these fairy tales, love is about a woman having warm, fuzzy feelings while batting her eyelids liberally (as Sebastian the crab so aptly demonstrates—I hope I’m not losing anyone here). Meanwhile, it is the man who is doing all the work to win the woman’s heart (or even her life). I would say Pocahontas is the exception that proves this rule.

Even if we know better, I think it is easy to sometimes slip into this mentality, at least it is for me. I want Daniel to take care of me, but I sometimes forget that I should also be taking care of him. I admittedly have a tendency towards selfishness, which I guess is part of being human. Daniel has a lot more on his plate right now than I do, since he is attending grad school with a full course load while working full time, and I still give him a hard time when he can’t do everything that I want him to do. He needs my support and my understanding, and I know that I am not giving him enough of either. This has been weighing on my mind a lot recently, especially today.

When the priest spoke the words of consecration at Mass this afternoon (I am blessed to have the opportunity to attend daily Mass right in my building) I received a nice reminder that almost made me cry. You all know how it goes: “This is my body, which will be given up for you… This is my blood…” That is true love. As the priest said those words and held up the newly consecrated host and the chalice, I was reminded that this is how I am supposed to love, too. Once Daniel and I are married, we will be symbolizing that love (if you’ve never heard of Pope John Paul II’s incredible Theology of the Body, go google it). But we should also be imaging that love right now in everything we do. For me, that means being less selfish and more selfless in my relationship with Daniel. Whatever I might “suffer” as a result is pretty insignificant anyways.

True love is often about self-sacrifice and sometimes suffering, and not just on the part of the man, as fairy tales might lead little girls to believe. Just as a disclaimer, I happen to be a pretty big fan of Disney princess movies. Something they do well is showing a girl that she should never settle for anything less than a man who is willing to fight a giant, fire-breathing dragon (think Sleeping Beauty, then think Revelation 12), risking his life to save hers. What is often left out is that a man should never settle for anything less than a woman who would do the same for him! One quick last note: if you’ve seen the new movie Enchanted, this is exactly what happens! Well done, Disney.

Seven Months To Go!

There are now exactly seven months left until the wedding, and I ordered my dress today!! It’s the same one as the picture I put up a few weeks ago, and I bought it through a “bridal shop” on eBay for cheaper than I found it on the original website. I really hope it turns out the way I expect it to—if not, I have buyer protection through PayPal and eBay and can get my money back. I’m so excited! I’ll let you know how it goes.

Daniel and I are almost decided on a photographer to use, too. A guy who works with Daniel also does photography on the side, and his work is great! We’ve looked at the pictures from other weddings he’s done, and it’s definitely our style. The package is pretty affordable and has everything we would want, so we just need to sit down and talk with him soon.

The past several weeks have really flown by, and I’m realizing that May 16 is creeping up on us a lot faster than we expected. There’s still so much to be done—so many details to think about. Apparently we are on a waiting list for a sponsor couple at my church so that we can get started with marriage prep. I emailed the woman in charge this morning; she says she expects to be able to set us up with someone sometime in November. We still need to look at flowers, reception music, transportation, bridesmaid dresses, the cake, and the list goes on… We’re trying to do the whole wedding for around $10,000 and so far we’re right on track, thanks to planning a morning/afternoon wedding instead of having it in the evening. That made a huge cost difference. Just a hint: I always love getting money-saving advice…